Adfics
By: TSG
An adfic is a comedy fic which takes the form of a rather parodied real-life
advert using different characters and slightly modified situations. I'm
writing them in script format because that's what most fits the style.
I'll apologize in advance here, as I'm rather liable to mangle a large
number of characters. ;-)
(vo) means a voiceover, as in the character isn't currently on the screen.
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[Open on a full-screen roll of parchment, with archaic symbols inscribed
upon it.)
Silver (vo):- How to speak Baronian.
[Cut to a shot of Silver running along a Baron street with numerous members
of the City Guard giving chase. She runs around two corners, before hopping
up onto a bench then climbing a wall to the roof of a building. As the
guards look on and fume, Silver nips behind a wall, then turns to face the
camera, taking a pouch of stolen gold from her belt and showing it to the
camera with a Lina-like 'Lucky!' wink and cheer. An arrow points to the
coins.]
Silver (vo):- Gold.
[Cut to a shot of Edge, slumped at a dining table in the castle, most
definitely smashed out of his mind and clutching a half-full tankard with
'Paladins' written on it. Silver walks into shot, shakes her head at the
sight of Edge, then takes the tankard, and shows it to the camera with the
'Paladins' clearly visible.]
Sliver (vo):- Ale.
[Cut to a white screen with another tankard with 'Paladins' written on.]
Silver (vo):- Paladins. Baronian for ale.
[Fade to black.]
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[Golbez creeping along a passageway in the Baronian castle. He's looking
around fearfully, occasionally stiffening and flattening against the wall.
He slowly walks to and rounds a corner in the distance, and we see Nodd is
following him closely, claws out. Golbez pauses almost round the corner,
then looks back, eyes widening at the sight of Nodd barreling full speed
towards him, before knocking him over and pinning him. Golbez sighs, and
hands something to Nodd, who them leaves quickly.]
Announcer (vo):- Got milk?
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[Open on a shot of a red-brown placard.]
Caption, Placard, Announcer (vo):- How ninja king Edge eats a Reese's Peanut
Butter Cup.
[Cut to a shot of Edge in a darkened room, spotlight trained on him. He is
looking lustfully at the aforementioned tooth-destroyer in his hand.]
Edge:- Ah, thy beauty is so great, I could devour thee, but thy purity is
such that I should savour thee, and thy innocence so sweet, that I should
preserve and cherish thee... but I cannot wait any longer!
[Edge messily and quickly crams the cake into his mouth. As he does, lights
up and spotlight fade to reveal the dining hall at Baron. Most are staring
at him perplexed, Rydia is fuming slightly. As we fade to black, she is
storming over drawing her hand back.]
[Cut to the red-brown background with two packages of Reese's Cups.]
Announcer (vo):- There's no wrong way...
Edge (vo):- Kyaaa! Ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka!
[In a flurry of sword-strokes, the packages are cut away, leaving scraps and
the cups themselves still intact.]
Announcer (vo):- ...to eat a Reese's.
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(I really apologise for the next one. ;-))
*******************************
[Open to Dr. Lugae fiddling with scientific apparatus. He turns to the
camera, which pans slightly to the right to reveal a regal couple trapped in
glass tubes.]
Lugae:- These are Edge's parents.
[He points to the apparatus above the tubes.]
Lugae:- This is mutative surgery.
[He presses a button on the console, and the tubes glow with light, which
when it fades reveals the mutated forms of the pair.]
Lugae:- These are Edge's parents on mutative surgery.
[Fade to white.]
Lugae (vo):- Any questions?
CAPTION:- Brought to you by the Dictatorship for a Light-free Planet.
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