7.

The inside of the soul

The next morning, the friends assembled in Baron's hall. "Did you have a bad night?" an unusually cheerful Cecil asked Kain, who looked rather bad-tempered.

"Yep..." his friend grunted. "I went to the tavern because I couldn't sleep and guess what? The barkeep didn't want to serve me, babbling something about us being the cause for the misfortune in town and keeping a fiend in our midst..."

"Are you talking about me?" Golbez, who had overheard their conversation, asked amused.

"It's not said that the townspeople were referring to you..." Cecil tried to intervene, but the skeptical look on his brother's face only confirmed his own fear. It was of course Golbez, whom the townspeople feared. "I neglected my duties as a king in not telling them right away that Golbez has returned, but I didn't think that rumours would spread around that fast." Cecil thought grimly and thus proposed, "When we return from Tororia, I'll hold a public speech, explaining everything to Baron's citizens about the happenings of late and about the Dark Paladins."

Golbez raised an eyebrow. "Do you think that they will believe you? Will they trust you more than they trust the rumours in the streets?"

"I don't know, but I'll try to earn their trust in any way possible. And for that it's necessary to investigate the Dark Paladin headquarter in Tororia. We need to show the people evidence that we can put a stop to the evil doings of this group. It's not enough to just promise them that everything is under control." Cecil frowned. "The public feeling in town worries me." "Do the people not trust us because I'm a bad king?” He was pulled out of his thoughts by Yang who was now approaching him.

"The mood of our citizens worries me as well, friend…" the Karate Master started to speak, "I fear that I have bad news. This morning I went to the harbour outside of town, since I had heard news that a merchant vessel from Fabul had arrived. The sailors told me that atmosphere in Fabul is becoming more and more tense -- people speak of another upcoming war and that the happenings of late were the doing of the new general in Baron.."

"General?" Cecil looked puzzled

"Oh. It seems my rank has improved…" Golbez grinned.

"Yes, I fear in fact that they are referring to you, Master Golbez," Yang said gravely. "I do not know how they could have known of your return to the planet, but I do believe that it would be a good idea for me to check things in Fabul -- and if it is to calm the citizens. I'm a fighter like they are, so they should trust me. We may need every hand we can get if the worst happens, so I'd like to return there and meet you later on in Tororia."

"Alright…" Cecil nodded, though he had hoped for the support of the older man during the whole mission. "Good luck to you, Yang. Take care!"

"Goodbye, Yang!" Rydia sounded rather sad and then turned to Edge. "Don't you want to check you kingdom, as well?"

Edge laughed. "Nah! Old Chamberlain is doing good work there. Besides my people know that I would never do anything that would harm them. If I'm trusting Gobs here," he smirked at the wizard, "they will, too."

It seemed that Golbez wanted to react on Edge's comment, but for some reason decided otherwise and just raised the compulsory eyebrow.

"I wish I could be as optimistic as Edge or Yang. 'I'm one of them...' Yang had said. I'm not hailing from a royal family either, still the people do not seem to trust me in this hour.” Cecil's mind became clouded by doubts again, but he reminded himself quickly that there was no time for this right now.

"So, is everyone here? Kain, are you coming with us?" he asked. 

"Yes," the dragoon answered, but gave Diane a worried look.

The red-haired girl noticed his uneasiness and squeezed his hand. "It's okay. Just take care," she told him again.

"Will you stop worrying about me!" Kain teased, though his tone was serious. He embraced her. "I couldn't stand to know that you are you unhappy."

"Kain..." Diane tried to smile. "Then I'll try not to worry," she said as bravely as she could manage.

"Yes, that's the spirit!" Kain grinned, though he knew that she was lying. Out of the corner of his eye he spotted Rosa and Cecil talking to each other like they always did, the two of them even joking, though Cecil possibly had a lot on his mind. Once again, he wondered how Cecil and Rosa had coped with getting separated again and again during the years.

"Didn't your mother wanted to see us off?" Cecil asked.

"I didn't tell her that I was leaving." Rosa shrugged with her shoulders.

"You didn't tell her?" Cecil could not believe his ears - Rosa normally did not conceal such things from her mother.

"What should I have told her?" Rosa asked. She felt a bit pained by Cecil's astonishment although she was aware that her husband just knew her too well to be not surprised about her behaviour. "If I had told mother that we're going to Tororia to investigate the headquarter of the Dark Paladins, she surely would tell it to everyone in town. And I couldn't lie to her--she knows when I'm lying...she always did. Even when I followed you back then to Mist, so I just didn't tell her anything at all," she explained, although it was obvious that Rosa was not happy with the decision she had made.

 Cecil sensed this. "I'm sorry that you had to act this way..."

"You're sorry for my own person, but certainly not that she isn't here right now, am I right?" Rosa asked not without a hint of reproach in her voice.

"Well... I'm sure she would have told me that the strenuous atmosphere in town was my fault and that it was irresponsible to leave Baron in such a situation," Cecil admitted. "Although I wonder myself if it is right to leave Baron right now."

Rosa shook her head. "Don't worry. Cid will take care of kingdom while we're away. Besides you say that the rumours in town might not change to the better while we're away?"

Rosa's imperturbable nature made Cecil smile. "You're right. Right now we should worry about Tororia and not about Baron and finally board the airship."

~*~

The flight to Tororia was an uneventful one, although Cecil was still worried about the growing mistrust in the citizens of Baron. "Maybe I should have told them about Golbez right from the start..." Due to his constant brooding his head now hurt for quite some time now and the Paladin finally decided to rest in his cabin for some minutes, giving the steer over to Edge. "But no joking around!" he warned his friend, half seriously, half jokingly.

"Righto, boss!" Edge shouted. "Hey Rydia! Come over here and I'll show you how the King of the sky flies!"

Sighing, the caller followed his invitation. As she passed Cecil, he shot her an encouraging glance, which she returned gratefully. Lately, Cecil had not spent as much time with his friend as he had wanted, although the Paladin knew very well that the girl needed her friends even more than before after her experiences with Kieran and the buried entrance to the Underworld.

"So many problems and I don't even know right now how to solve one of them,” Cecil thought. Lately, it became more and more difficult for the Paladin to decide which step he should take next. "Maybe I'm slowly loosing the ability to set preferences?" he frowned, as he was about to descend the stairs. Suddenly, he spotted Golbez, who was standing at the railing and watching Dawn, who was talking with Rosa intently.

To Cecil's surprise, his brother was not showing an amused or mocking expression as usual, but looked rather earnestly and pensively as he stood there, his eyes gazing calmly at Dawn, his long black hair flying in the wind. Once more, Cecil realized how lonely his brother looked. "I wish there was a way to drive his loneliness away..." he thought, although he knew that this was not easily possible, for Golbez's loneliness was one he had chosen himself, even an accepted one. However, what worried Cecil more was the way Golbez looked right now - it seemed nearly sad. "Could this have to do with Dawn?" The Paladin approached his brother slowly and leaned onto the railing in the same fashion as his brother did, watching the female Paladin as well.

"She's very beautiful," he mentioned rather casually, interested in his brother's reaction. Golbez nodded, not surprised by his the Paladin's voice next to him. Cecil had already figured out that it was impossible to surprise Golbez; the wizard's senses were even more superior in this respect than his own ones.

"She looks like she's not of this world," the black haired man said.

"I often think so, too." Cecil agreed. In fact even now as the female Paladin was talking with Rosa, cheerfully, her beauty was so great that it nearly seemed unnatural; her silvery hair glistened in the wind and her appearance seemed to be as bright and not ascertainable as the white clouds in the sky around them. As he looked sideways, he saw that a strange smile had crept on his brother's lips. "She looks like she's not from this world..” Golbez had said and suddenly, he remembered the night in Agart where Golbez had stood on the beach. 

Back then he had looked nearly menacing and his air had been as overwhelming but also frighteningly gloomy and cold like the dark sea before him. "I do not belong here," Golbez had told Cecil that night. "Both Dawn and Golbez sometimes seem to belong to somewhere else, though this 'somewhere' might not even be an existent place. Is it this that fascinates Golbez with Dawn? On the other hand the two have completely different natures--there's no other connection I could see between my brother and her..." Cecil frowned.

"Worried by something, Cecil?" Golbez asked suddenly. "So how was your trip to Mysidia, really?"

Normally, as Cecil knew that Golbez's questions were always dangerous, he would have tried to prevent answering, but his brother was sounding surprisingly friendly, so Cecil decided to give him a chance.

"You were right, there are still a lot of people mistrusting me," the Paladin said, "although there's always hope that things might turn out right in the end..." he added, although he wasn't so sure about these things in Jonas' case, of what he kept silent about, of course.

"So… Hope…" Golbez smiled. "Is it hope, too, which makes you believe that the investigation and possible destruction of the Dark Paladin group will calm Baron's citizens?"

Cecil reflected. "At least it might show them that not you, but other persons were responsible for the happenings of late. Besides when we get back I'll also explain everything to my people."

"Everything? That you found your long lost brother, who once nearly destroyed the whole planet, wandering in the midst of the woods, that you took him into the castle and didn't tell anyone about it because you didn't want to cause any panic?" Golbez interrupted him.

"Err..." Cecil smiled sheepishly-- the absurdity Golbez had wanted to show him, became very clear to him. "Not exactly this way, but what you just said is the truth after all…"

"The truth?" Golbez turned around suddenly, to look him directly in the face, his expression once again mocking, his tone of voice nearly disparaging. "The truth? The truth is that I'm the cause of all this trouble! You should have understood this by now and should have planned your actions concerning that…"

"So what do you want me to do?" The smile left Cecil's face. "Throw you into the dungeon? Execute you? Ban you to some island?"

"Unless I cannot return to the moon this would all three be interesting possibilities..." Golbez replied. "The question is whether you have enough courage to carry out any of these ideas--"

"Golbez! Stop saying such things! You're my brother and I knew very well the risk of taking you in with me, but there was no other option. Besides I wanted to take you with us." He sighed. "Don't you care at all?"

"Cecil..." Golbez's voice sounded more soft now. "In fact I do care… But it is amazing how Baron has prospered under your reign so far, and now I have to see that you're neglecting your duties as a King as you prefer your own familiar interests to the greater good..."

"I'm not doing this only in my interest, but in yours, too. Besides I cannot believe that sacrificing a person I care for will do any good for a 'greater good', as you call it. But if you're so interested in leaving us, I wonder why you're still here. You were always free to go!" Cecil snapped--once again, Golbez had succeeded in upsetting him and letting him say things he did not mean.

"I do appreciate your "generosity", Cecil, but you shouldn't concern yourself with my interests. My words were only a warning. I'll leave when the time comes. However, right now it seems that you could need my help…" His eyes darkened, and he watched the horizon. "For some reason I'm not interested in this world sinking into chaos again, either. Call it repentance; an impossible try to make up for the unforgivable things I did…" Golbez laughed more bitter than ever. "Or do you want me to leave?" He looked at Cecil, who was watching him with pressed lips; his gaze filled with incomprehension.

"Why are you saying such things? How can you ask me if I want you to stay after all the times I've told you what I want? Are you mocking me? You're always turning and twisting my words until they are the way you want them to be heard." Cecil's voice sounded desperate."Sometimes you nearly remind me of Claudius and Kieran--you're also manipulating people into believing things; making them say things they don't want to say and do things they don't want to do."

Golbez nodded, nearly approvingly. "Did you forget? Manipulating is a gift of mine as well… I told you to stay away from me… It's only for your own good."

"Am I disrupting anything?" Dawn's cheerful voice interrupted the brothers.

Golbez gave his brother a strange smile. "I only want to protect you, Cecil… And here comes another person who cares quite a lot for you." He turned around and bowed slightly towards Dawn. "I was just leaving. My communicative abilities seem not to be at their height today… I seem to spoil the general atmosphere of hope…" Still smiling, he wandered off.

"I can't believe it... He did it again!" Cecil shook his head in defeat and leaned against the railing, tired. "Every time I think that he would open up: Bang! He traps me - even manipulates me into hating him, although I don't want it..." He sighed and gave Dawn a weak smile. "I'm sorry. You must be disappointed that I'm showing so little self-control, again."

Dawn laughed and laid an arm around his shoulder in a way dear friends behave. "Not at all. It's amazing that you're still not giving up trying to make him come out of his shell."

"Seems you're the only one thinking so... Every one else gets better along with him than I do."

"But he's not the brother of everyone else. And everyone else's name is not Cecil…" Dawn smiled.

"Dawn, do you think that I'm too pressing? That I want a brother I can never have?" Cecil asked her, her presence calming him.

Dawn became more earnest. "That is only a thing you can decide for yourself…" She reflected for a moment and suddenly seemed to look into some sphere only she could see. "I can feel that you're expecting something from me… That you want to know what I think about Golbez.."

"Well... after all you can see in the souls of others…"

"And I've tried it this time as well...but..."

"But?" Cecil asked.

"I could see nothing… His self-loath is so great. He has buried his feelings so deep inside of him and hides his heart from the world so much that I cannot see the core of his soul..."

"But why? He can't ever find peace of mind or forgiveness for his doings in such a state of mind..."

"In fact he can't. But it seems to be his own special way to deal with his past and with his guilt, although it doesn't work the way he wants it to," Dawn explained. "Golbez cannot cope with the pain in his heart, neither with the guilt for his past deeds nor with the far heavier guilt he put on himself, but knows that he has to live with it--yes, he even seems to seek the unhappiness his guilt causes him. It may be some kind of atonement for him, some way to punish himself for the things he has done. It is such a wrong thing to do, but he sees no other escape, no other possibility to help loosen the conflict in his soul."

Cecil had listened to her intently. "It's hard to follow you, but maybe I do understand…"

"I'm sure you do, deep in your heart…" Dawn smiled. “Due to your own dark past, sometimes you might have been on the verge of a similar conflict as well. Only that you never lost hope…"

Cecil frowned. “Hope, eh? So all I can do is hope for him? That doesn't sound right."

"Right now I hope that you get Edge away from the steering wheel, darling!" Rosa's had crept up to them unnoticed.

As she saw Cecil's startled expression, she told Dawn, laughing, "Every time he's thinking of his brother an army could march up behind him and he wouldn't notice it.."

Suddenly, the ship rocked dangerously. "Edge! Are you mad?" Rydia's scream could be heard.

"See?" Rosa said, "if you have any interest in bringing this ship back to Cid undamaged, you'd better take your post at the steer again, darling! So hurry up!" With a wink she hurried over to Rydia to ask if the girl was alright.

Cecil had to smile. "It's amazing how she copes with all this so much better than me..."

"That's because she's content, Cecil. She is able to grasp, to understand the things around here--and she has everything she craves for… Family, friends...and you. Although every living being is--when it comes to the point--alone, Rosa has understood that she's in the lucky position to come as near to not being alone as one possibly can." Dawn said, in a quiet, almost sad voice.

"Dawn... You're not alone as well!" Cecil said and carefully placed a kiss on her cheek, not in the fashion lovers, but as friends do. The ship rocked again and Edge started mutteringsome curses.

"Guess I better go to prevent the worst from happening!" Cecil grinned. "Thank you Dawn. For not being able to read Golbez's soul you still knew a lot about him." He turned around and hurried towards the steer. "Edge! What did I tell you about not joking around?"

Dawn looked after him, touching her cheek where he had kissed her. "You don't need to look into someone's soul if things are too obvious..."