25.

The worst pain of all

As Cecil had sensed it, Golbez was not far away. His brother was waiting for him in an oval room, and even with the bright illumination of the torches, the blackness of the surroundings was still depressing and overwhelming. As Golbez spotted his brother, he raised an amused eyebrow, as it was his custom. However, his eyes were not the eyes Cecil knew, but cold, hard and glittering madly.

Before Cecil could address his brother, the air was filled with chuckling and out of nowhere a hologram of Mallack appeared next to Golbez. "So you decided to confront us alone? How utterly courageous…"

"Courageous is a thing one can't apply to you, Mallack -- or shall I say Nathaniel? When will you and your servants stop using these magical tricks and show yourself in person instead?" Cecil demanded with a strong voice. He would be damned if he would let show his nervousness about his brother.

"Nathaniel, eh? I guess Dawn told you our story... Where is she anyway? I can't feel her presence…"

Astonishment crept over Cecil's face. "He doesn't know?"

"I'm surprised you didn't notice it..." he said, though it was hard for him to keep his voice stable -- the remembrance of Dawn was still too painful for him. "After all it was you who sent Sir Samon after us. Dawn…is dead," He said, burning sadness and anger in his eyes, "and she died through the hands of your own servant!"

"No, it was not Samon alone who killed her…"

Mallack's hologram flickered for moment, as if its creator had problems keeping up the magic spell. Still, one couldn't see a change in the features of the apparition -- only Mallack's voice gave proof that the man was confused: "This is a lie… She can't be dead - you're only trying to hide her from me! She's a skilled manipulator too and might have learned to hide her thoughts from me…" His tone took on a more aggressive note. "Don't play with me, Paladin, or I'll teach you what real playing means..."

"Then show yourself in person!" Cecil snapped, while watching Golbez, who was now slowly approaching him.

"You'll face me soon enough. Maybe…" Mallack replied coldly. "But right now I'm sure that you have some things to discuss with your brother."

"What have you done with him?"

Mallack's triumphant laughter echoed through the room. "It was so easy to bring him to our side. Isn't it ironic? Because he wanted to protect you, he forsook the power of the crystal, and now he himself will cause his brother to fall! You can decide, Paladin - either you surrender and submit to our side right now or you try to fight your brother."

"He will never submit to our side…" Golbez said darkly. "He's fully under the command of this cursed crystal." To Cecil's horror, his brother drew out his sword.

"You may be right, my friend. If possible, do not try to disfigure him too much. If he still looks halfway alive when you're through with him, we can use him to lure the others…" Mallack smiled cruelly.

"Golbez! Don't!" Cecil pleaded, though unsheathed his own sword, Legend, as his brother had come dangerously close by now.

"Have fun, fallen King. See what your power of the crystal can do against our one - the power of free will! I'll see you later with the crystal shard, Golbez…" Mallack's apparition mocked before it vanished, leaving Cecil alone with his brother.

"There you have it…" Golbez sighed, feigning sympathy. "I told you to stay away from me, but you wouldn't listen!" With a swift motion he stormed towards Cecil, sword raised, but the Paladin blocked the blow and both ended facing each other with crossed blades.

"Golbez! Try to remember! Try to remember your true self!" Cecil begged, surprised that though his brother was not a good sword fighter, he wielded tremendous strength.

"You still do not understand! This is my true self. The one no one, most of all you, would accept!" Golbez thundered, knocking Cecil's sword to one side to prepare for another blow.

"No! This is not true! Mallack is enslaving you like Zeromus did!" Cecil sidestepped Golbez's next attack.

"Mallack did not enslave me, but made me see. What I had feared all along turned out to be true - Zeromus chose me, because my being was different from that of others, because my soul was dark. But in its darkness it was also strong and our father knew that the crystal would reject me. It even rejects me now, but I don't care as I have seen that its powers are not better than the ones Zeromus granted me. And even more," Golbez started to attack Cecil with a series of fast blows, which the other dodged as best as he could, "the creators of the Crystal, your beloved Lunarians, are not better than Zeromus. A force of good? Hah--I pity you. You're the only one being enslaved!"

Cecil still did not want to give up. "Golbez! Brother… Let me help you. Don't listen to Mallack--listen to yourself!" he shouted, although his voice was nearly drowned outin the loud metallic crashing of their blades.

Golbez suddenly stopped his attacks and backed away a bit, regarding his brother coldly. 

"I'm already listening to myself. And this is what I found - power!" he hissed sharply and suddenly wielded his sword one handedly, the other hand raised upwards. "Bolt!"

Cecil, who had been occupied with defending his brother's blow and persuading him to stop, had no time to evade the spell and was hit by several strokes of lightening, one of them knocking his sword out of his hand. He fell to one knee as the pain soared through his body, and dizziness seized his head. Before he could recover, Golbez was by his side and had him at the throat, raising him one-handedly and without effort into the air.

"Golbez… Please…" the Paladin gasped -- he could hardly speak, as Golbez's merciless grip was slowly stranglinghim. His brother watched the struggle of the Paladin calmly, his eyes still as cold and cruel as before.

"This is nearly too easy," Golbez sneered, "I thought you would put up a better fight. But it's as Mallack said: your power is nothing against ours."

"What can I do?! Nothing seems to be able to bring him to his senses, again… Ifhe even is under a spell..." Cecil tried to free himself from Golbez's grip, but it was too strong and the Paladin's strength was already wavering as the lack of air was clouding his mind. Accidentally, his hand brushed against the crystal in the pocket of his cloak and instinctively, he took it in his hand. The crystal was warm to the touch, calming, but it was no use in the situation Cecil was in. Golbez's grip did not lessen and the Paladin knew that he was done for.

"Why... I'm so sorry... Rosa..."

Still clasping the crystal, he closed his eyes as he could no longer stand to look into the cruel and disdainful eyes of his brother. Suddenly the pressure around his neck disappeared and he landed abruptly on the floor.

"What…" The Paladin slowly opened his eyes. A disgusted look on his face, Golbez was staring down at him, or better, at the crystal in his hand.

"Even in the moment of death you cling to this damn stone! But I'll not fall for your tricks. You were trying to drag me into death with you!" the dark-haired man hissed.

"What are you talking about?" Cecil coughed, bringing on hand to his hurting throat, "The crystal can drag no one to death…"

The black wizard shook his head. "Mallack told me to bring the crystal to him, but perhaps I'd bettertry to destroy it together with you. Not even this bauble can withstand my powers!" He prepared for another spell.

Cecil watched him with desperation - Legend was lying several feet away, and the lack of air had made him feel weak. "But I'm still alive... Jonas, Dawn - all have at least fought until the bitter end, so it's the least I can do as well…" He concentrated and prepared for a wall spell: magic, he had learned while being on Mt. Ordeals with Dawn.

"Fire!" Golbez cast his spell, but Cecil had finished his preparations just in time: the fiery missiles bounced against an unseen force in front of him and reflected back, hitting Golbez in the shoulder. With a sound of surprise and pain, the wizard stumbled backwards and he let go of his sword accidentally. Cecil, the crystal still in his hand, used this moment to get on his feet and rushed towards his brother, somehow managing bring the other man down. Nearly at the end of his energy, he grabbed for Golbez's sword with his free hand and pointed it to the neck of the men kneeling before him.

His brother looked up to him without fear. "Very impressive. Maybe I've underestimated your strength after all…" He started to chuckle slightly, paying no attention to the deadly blade at his throat. "But then again I should have known--after all, you defeated Zeromus…" He tiltedhis head to the side, causing the point of Cecil's sword to cut his skin slightly. A little pool of red formed where the sharp steel and the skin had met and, slowly, some blood began to trickle down Golbez's throat. 

"Golbez! Stop it!" Cecil was breathing fast, trying to keep the point of his weapon away from Golbez's throat, not daring to stop threatening him altogether.

"What are you waiting for? Bring it to an end…" Golbez urged him.

The Paladin regarded his brother with silent horror. "I cannot kill him… But what can I do?"

"You hesitate?" his brother taunted. "If you don't kill me, I will kill you…"

"Golbez. Please come to your senses!" Cecil implored the other, despair in his eyes.

"I fear that I can't do that. You should act quickly, now…" the dark wizard grinned and started to mumble some incantations.

"No…" Helplessly Cecil had to watch how his brother was preparing another--this time probably devastating--spell. He could try to knock Golbez unconscious, but there was no telling if he still had enough strength left for that. "There's only one solution left… But I cannot--" He looked at the sword against the throat of his brother, it's tip reddened by the other's blood and for the first time during all the fights the Paladin had fought, the hand holding the weapon began to shake…

"Didn't I tell you never to choose me over others?" Golbez mocked him between two magical formulas. "It seems that your sympathy for me makes you weak."

"He's right... I'm powerless in this moment..."

Cecil was at a loss, but he just couldn't bring himself to deal his brother the coup de grâce. The desperation in the Paladin changed to fury, fury thathe did not know what to do; fury that everything seemed so futile and that Golbez was lost to him - lost because a mad wizard named Mallack was stronger than they all were. He suddenly got aware that the crystal in his hand was still shining warmly, but what did all that light help do in a moment when hope was lost?

"No... Hope is never lost..."

Still, right now, it seemed that way: By now, Golbez had nearly finished the incantations for his final spell - there was not much time left for Cecil to decide his next move. He tried to think of a way out of this mess, but he could not concentrate: anger was soaring too strongly through his veins, feeding from the helplessness he felt, and desperation and disbelief that it had come this far were blocking his thoughts.

"It cannot end like this… I will not let it happen!"

Cecil's sword fell clattering to the ground.

Golbez looked up to him, slightly surprised, but also smiling cruelly. "That was a mistake…"

The sarcastic tonein his brother's voice broke the limit of Cecil's shaking self-control:

"Brother! Damnit! Snap out of it!" With all strength left, he let go of the crystal in his pocket and gave Golbez a thundering slap in the face, sending the older man backwards onto the hard tiles on the ground.

"...What have I done?"

Cecil stared at his brother, who lay lifeless on the floor, head turned away from him. The Paladin's gaze wandered to his hand, which was still raised: his palm was gleaming, much similar to the way the crystal had glowed before. And indeed, as he looked closer, it seemed as if crystal dust was covering the skin of his hand. For a moment he feared that the crystal had been destroyed, but to his relief, it was in his pocket - somehow, the former contact with the black stone had only weakened the crystal's structure. Cecil directed his attention once more on Golbez, who had still not moved.

"I couldn't have killed him, could I? It was only a slap…" Burning shame filled the Paladin as he realized his action.

"I've slapped my brother like a coward…" he murmured - in fact this was something he had always thought of as disgraceful and cowardly - only once, as he'd still been a Dark Knight; he had slapped someone, and even back than, he had not been proud of it. 

Suddenly, Golbez stirred slightly - though Cecil felt oddly tempted to apologize to the other for the slap right now, he reminded himself that his brother was still under Mallack's spell. Quickly, he picked up Legend.

Just now, Golbez had regained consciousness again and he raised his head, looking at the tip of the sword Cecil was pointing at him. "What happened?" was all he brought forth.

This simple reaction surprised Cecil. "Golbez?" He asked suspiciously.

His brother raised an eyebrow. "Judging from your expression, it seems that I gave you a reason to threaten me with a weapon, am I correct?" he asked dryly, though eyed the room around him, frowning. Like before he had little care for the sword pointed at him and he raised a hand to his forehead, leaning a bit forward. "Where are we? I'm feeling dizzy…"

"Is...is this another trick?" Cecil blinked nervously, still not daring to let the sword down.

"Trick?" Suddenly, Golbez's eyes turned bitter: "Mallack got me, didn't he?" He slowly raised his head again, searching for an answer in Cecil's eyes.

The Paladin nodded slowly. "And I'm not sure if the spell over you is broken…"

"I see…" Golbez nodded. "My thoughts are still clouded, so that I'm not even sure myself who I am… And I can think of nothing that I could say or do to prove to you that I'm back to my old self. This means," his expression turned hard, "that it might be best to use this sword of yours…"

"What? I...I should kill you?" Cecil stared at him, aghast - it seemed as if this nightmare would never end. "No way…"

"I thought you'd say so…" Golbez laughed hoarsely. "But it may be the only possibility... Imagine what would happen if Mallack's control over me is only disrupted for a while? You cannot trust me any longer!"

"What can I do to test him?" The Paladin could only think of one way. "Maybe… Maybe the crystal can help somehow…" he said slowly, and, praying that he was doing the right thing, handed it to Golbez. "Here, take it..."

The wizard looked at the stone, skeptical. "The only thing it will do is kill me… Though if you won't kill me, the crystal will at least…" he laughed bitterly and reached for it. With closed eyes, he clasped it in his hand, expecting soaring pain...which did not came. The wizard opened his eyes. "Why am I still alive?" He whispered disbelieving.

With a sigh of relief, Cecil's sword flew once again to the ground. "Brother! I'm so glad. I thought you were lost..." He couldn't hold back his feelings and went upon his knees to embrace Golbez.

"Cecil…What has gotten into you?" Golbez's expression filled with confusion as his younger brother fell around his neck. Slightly embarrassed, he put the crystal to the ground and carefully patted the other's back, not knowing what else to do.

Cecil leaned back on his heels and smiled at him. "If you'd still been under Mallack's control you would have tried to destroy the crystal! But you didn't… That was when I knew that you were normal again!"

Golbez shook his head with incomprehension. "That was a foolish plan. Imagine what would have happened if I'd still been under his control?! Even now, who's to tell that I'm not playing a trick on you again?"

Cecil went pale, though calmed again as he noticed that Golbez's eyes were no longer regarding him coldly, but nearly concerned.

"Sorry, I didn't want to worry you even more…" the dark-haired man said, "I just wanted to show you that your actions were very risky ones." He frowned. "Speaking of risky actions… Where are the others? Don't tell me that you went off to fight me all alone?" Before Cecil could answer, Golbez sighed and held up a hand: "No… That was a stupid question… Of course you followed me alone..."

Cecil had to grin - normally Golbez's behaviour would have made him upset, but right now each of his remarks were proof that his brother was indeed back to his old self. 

"I… I'm glad that you're alright. I was really sure that Mallack had won this time and was short of giving you up!" he admitted. 

A painful expression swept across his brother's face upon trying to remember what had happened.

"It was so vain of me to believe that I could fight against Mallack's methods," Golbez said darkly. "He just read my thoughts in the crystal room and from that moment on knew exactly what to do to bring me to his side… He provoked me until I threw the crystal away and tried to kill him with all my power -- he then used this moment of hate and rage to lure me with his magic." He bowed his head. "And the worst thing is that not everything he had said were lies… What he said about my inner being...and about the crystal rejecting me…"

Cecil would have liked to ask about this "inner being" but it interested him also what Mallack had said about the crystal. "Rejecting you? Well, it's true that you obviously can't use its powers -- even I couldn't, at first. However, it seems to be the thing which saved you from Mallack's spell… I think…"

Golbez looked surprised. "It did? What did you doto bring me back to my senses, by the way?" For the first time, he got aware that his right cheek hurt and he touched it, a questioning look on his face. As he saw his brother blush, an amused smile crept across his face: "Don't tell me you slapped me…"

Cecil blushed even more. "I'm sorry… But I didn't know what else to do - I was so angry…"

Golbez laughed loudly. "This is the most amusing thing I've ever heard! The holy Paladin forgets all honour and slaps his brother, thus saving him! Maybe you should have done such a thing earlier…"

Cecil frowned. "Don't start to mock me again... I didn't like doing it. Besides I think it was not the slap, but the power of the crystal that was still flowing in my veins which broke Mallack's spell..."

Golbez got serious at once. "If this is the truth, I do not understand why it hurt so much when I touched the crystal in Mallack's presence…" He carefully picked up the crystal once more and concentrated. Again, nothing happened. His eyes flashed open again. "Strange… I didn't feel anything…" He sounded nearly relieved. "This means that the things he said about my heart and the core of my powers were not necessarily true…"

"Your heart? I don't understand…" Cecil wondered. "But about the pain you felt as you touched the crystal - it seems as if Mallack tricked you several times…"

"Yes… He really succeeded in twisting my mind," Golbez agreed darkly. "And I'm afraid to find out what I did under his control when the memory comes back…"

"Don't worry…" Not wanting to trouble his brother too much right now, Cecil quickly tried to hide the red marks on his throat by pulling up his cloak, but Golbez had already spotted them.

"I did those, didn't I?" he asked in a low, pressed voice.

"You were under his control… You--" Cecil started.

"No." Golbez shook his head. "There's no excuse for this. That Mallack was able to make me injure you shows even more that I'm still a puppet of the dark side. I'm endangering all of you and you should…"

Slap!

Cecil's hand hit Golbez in the face before he could dodge it, though the slap wasn't as hard as the last one. The Paladin looked at his brother, breathing heavily, anger in his eyes.

"There - is it that what you want me to do? Since you came here tothe Blue Planet you left out no situation to provoke me, mock me… You tell me to kill you, to put the greater good over you, and all this only in order to protect me and the others. Dawn told me about what you asked her in the Mist caves. All the time you were afraid that Mallack would enslave you like Zeromus did, so you tried to keep me away from you so that I would not get hurt!" Golbez was staring at Cecil wordlessly, not even raising an eyebrow.

"You always told me not to trust you," his brother continued, "still I did and my judgment was right. Yes, Mallack was able to get you under his spell, but I also managed to get you back to your old self again! It's not your soul - it's the way you hide your problems and true feelings from everyone which made you vulnerable for Mallack's manipulation, Golbez!"

The wizard frowned. "What do you know about--"

"I know a lot!" Cecil snapped. "I might not be able to understand certain things about you as good as I should, but I know that if you had such a black soul as you pretend to have, one of us would be dead by now! So start to trust me and start to trust yourself!" Cecil was still agitated.

Golbez smiled weakly. "And what was the slap for?"

Cecil's face went red. "That was for all the times you brought me into hating you, doubting you... Besides its what you wanted me to do all this time - you said so yourself. So tell me, are you content now? And don't lie!"

"Very well. You want the truth…" Golbez took a deep breath, looked his brother directly in the face and suddenly, only for a moment, all his distance and coldness seemed to disappear, only one thing staying after his cynical façade had dropped:

Terrible loneliness.

"No… I didn't like it… It hurt," he admitted and Cecil knew that his brother wasn't referring to the physical pain. The reaction left the Paladin deeply moved: though the words had been simple, they were the most emotional and true statement he had ever heard from Golbez -- and the one which showed most sympathy.

"So… You really do care after all…" he whispered.

"Maybe I do. But don't get too used to it..." Golbez said and suddenly was back to his old mocking expression. "There's still a lot about me which you don't understand…" As he saw his brother frown, he added with a slight grin: "And maybe I don't understand some things myself. I'm just saying that you shouldn't put your hopes too high concerning my person. But for now, I believe I have to apologize for the things I put you through since I've arrived here. You're going after Mallack, am I right? Will you still fight together with me?" The question sounded nearly afraid, although Golbez's eyes were looking slightly mocking as usual. 

Cecil stood up, and wordlessly stretched out his hand. As Golbez took it and let himself be helped up, the Paladin smiled: "Normally I'd have to tell you to stay behind, but this time I think that it will be a great surprise for Mallack to see you…"

"Is this the only reason?" his brother's eyes seemed to ask, so Cecil felt compelled to add:

"I'd also like to have you at my side and when it comes to a fight, two persons are better than one…"

"Yes…" Golbez replied dryly. "It might at least better the chance of winning against Mallack and Morrison from totally impossible to nearly impossible..."

"Yes, as nearly impossible as you made it for me to release you from Mallack's spell..." This time it was Cecil's turn to mock and he watched with satisfaction to see Golbez first frown, then grin at him:

"You're learning…" the dark-haired man said.

"Yes… You see: one should never give up hope." Cecil smiled. "And now let's tryif this will prove true until the end…"