Author's Notes

I like Edge and Rydia as a coupling. I like them as a coupling a ridiculous
amount. I also like the amount of depth that you could potentially go into
into their psyches. So, here I present a little ficcy. It's
Angst/WAFF/Romance, and believe it or not there are naughty words in here.
Very naughty ones, actually. I justify it by saying that angst and anger can
be very powerful emotions.

----------------------------------

Edge sighed as he walked down one of a number of identical looking corridors
in Baron, silently cursing himself for his complete lack of grace and style.
Cecil and Rosa had just been crowned, smiling and laughing, and had then as
tradition dictated thrown the bouquet off the balcony.

Much to Edge's dismay, Rydia had caught it.

He'd had the perfect chance. Amidst the coronation as all the guests were
entering, she'd entered, immediately catching Edge's eye as her brilliant
green robes seemed to light up the air around her. He'd watched
near-entranced as she wandered up and took her place next to him, - he was
certain Cecil had had a hand in THAT little arrangement - then given him a
radiant smile that stopped all speech. He'd stuttered, stared, so noticably
that she even commented on it.

That had made him shake his head. He'd always been the smooth, suave one,
always impressing, never putting a foot wrong, always showing an elegance
and poise beyond anyone else. And she'd caught him out. He chuckled, and
figured he had a serious crush on her. He couldn't help it! She'd shown
fire, beauty, wit, charm... and he'd shown her what? An immature womanizer,
with occasional spurts of abject rage. What a joke. A wry smile flitted
across his face to match his thoughts. But she'd caught him, a ninja caught
by a summoner. /The/ summoner. She must be lonely...

Edge blinked. Where had /that/ thought come from? She had her monster
friends, she knew she always had the friends from their quest, and above all
she'd evidently have someone special in her life soon. Envy. Green. Ironic,
wasn't it? Lonely... he remembered what Cecil had told her of his past, in
the moments where they weren't crusading for the world or bickering between
themselves good-naturedly. She'd lost her mother - Cecil was always beating
himself up about that - at an early age, along with the rest of her kind.
Lonely...

He found his legs had taken him towards Rydia's room almost automatically.
He paused outside it, not knowing whether to knock and make his move, not
even knowing if he _could_, if he could muster the... crying. He could hear
someone crying through the door, and given it was Rydia's room he kinda
figured it wouldn't be Rosa. Forget courage, she needed someone right now.

He opened the door to see an unmistakable figure in brilliant green robes,
laying there crying on the bed of the lavish guest room. He was taken aback,
despite having heard her through the door. She'd shown no sadness for most
of their trip, merely happiness, cheeriness, or anger on the times she'd got
worked up. Seeing the person he had a crush on crying her eyes out didn't do
much for his state of mind.

He walked quietly over to her, having to consciously think not to use his
skills of stealth and disguise. No. No running. She didn't appear to have
noticed him, so he sat down on a corner of the bed and lightly laid a hand
on her shoulder. She almost jumped around, and Edge could see by the low
light of the room that tears were definitely streaking down her face, and
had been for quite some time. Instantly his heart softened. "Rydia... I'm
here for you. Please, tell me what's up."

She chuckled softly, but no humour was present at all. "Poor Edge...", she
quietly murmured, shaking her head, staring at the bed she now half-kneeled,
half-sat upon, "Poor dumb Edge... having a crush on the one girl who's too
messed up to repay his love...". Edge reeled, mouth gaping. She /knew/?! He
looked up, stunned again into silence for the second time that day, into a
pair of eyes that spiralled down into the depths of /hurt/. Even he, who he
knew could be as thick as two short planks at times, could see how hurt she
was. Because he'd looked the same way, once before. He was just rather
better at hiding it. Another wry thought flitted across his brain in the
dazed silence. Must come with the job description.

"Rydia... I..."
"You what? You Edge, me Rydia. You love me, me one messed up bitch. /Why/,
Edge?! Why even /bother/ with me?! I'm too fucked up to love! Too fucked up,
you hear me?! I can't even catch one damned basket of flowers without going
off and crying my goddamn eyes out!"

Edge couldn't do anything but stare. He'd never seen Rydia like this before,
couldn't move, couldn't speak, just listen to her diatribe and murmur
excuses and lame consolements under his breath. Rydia, initial burst of
anger spent, collapsed back, tears falling from her eyes, before continuing
weakly.

"Gods, Edge... why? Of all the people... You know what my life's like, I
know you've been talking to Cecil... I lost my mother when I was young, lost
her and lost everyone else I knew...". Rydia's voice became ever more
pained, remembering memories she obviously felt she had to punish herself
with. "I woke up, and the guy who killed my mother's standing over me... and
I come to trust him! He's like... a... a brother to me now! He killed my
mother and is my brother?! I'm pathetic, Edge! How easily must I have to be
able to trust people to do that?!"

Her anger flickering again, Edge opened his mouth to say something,
anything, but could not before Rydia could continue. As he went to listen
on, Edge found his own anger rising.

"And then Leviathan gave me the /gift/ of going to the Land of Summoned
Monsters. Gift my ass... before I know it, I'm an adult, with
responsibilities to the world and to Mist and to the Summoned Monsters, and
I couldn't cope with it, Edge. I still can't. Do you have any IDEA how fast
I had to grow up in those few days, Edge? /Well/?!"

She sighed, moment and spark of anger both lost and both fading, to again be
replaced by a despair that, now Edge could see it, somehow knew had been
there all along. He gave her new credit - she'd been hiding this all along?
How...? She plunked herself back down on the bed, curling into a foetal
ball.

"Just... leave, Edge. Choose someone else, someone more worthy, someone
who's got and who'll give you a much easier life. I don't deserve anything
but this pain..."

Edge rose, walked to the door. He could feel her eyes on his back, waiting,
daring him to walk out that door, out her life, away from her. The he
realised some of what she'd said, it finally registered in his brain, and
the anger grew once more, but in a new heart. He spoke, back still turned,
quietly and calmly with just a little quiver in his voice.

"You know I love you... and yet you think I'd /walk away/!?" He spun around,
darted forward as she flinched back, his face mere inches from hers, gray
eyes boring into her soul. "You think I'd walk away? You think /you/ have
problems?!"

He pushed away from the edge of the bed, standing up and walking animatedly
round the room, hands waving as she looked on, stunned at the change of
emotion.

"You really think /you/ are the only one with problems? For chrissakes,
Rydia, are you blind?! Your mother died, fair enough! /But she didn't die
along with your father/! /At your own hand/!"

This last part was near bellowed into Rydia's face as she squirmed away, not
knowing whether to be frightened or angry herself.

"Have /you/ any idea what it's like to see your mother and father lying
there with swordcuts that /you/ made?! To see their eyes slowly close, no
matter what they've been transformed into?! To know.. to know that /you/
made those fucking wounds that are slowly killing them?! /Well/?! You think
you had to grow up fast when you were in that cave, let me tell you
something, it was /nothing/ compared to what I went through in those 2
minutes of watching them on the floor..."

He slumped to the floor, memories and feelings making him weak, dropping him
to his knees. Rydia could see his arms shaking to hold him up as his gray
hair tumbled around his face, his eyes the most hurt she'd ever seen them.
Her mouth was open but no sound was issuing forth. Edge, in his depressed
state, found some grim pleasure in knowing he'd shocked her, but then
immediately hated himself for it, and looked back down.

"I thought you'd understand most how I felt...", he said quietly, so quietly
Rydia almost missed it, "I thought you'd maybe be--" - a bitter laugh -
"--some kindred spirit or some other such foolish hope. And then... and then
I was my usual idiotic self." He looked up, and Rydia almost gasped at the
emotion held in his eyes. "But beneath it all, Rydia, I only ever had eyes
for you. Only ever loved you. You're the first I loved and the only I'll
love."

He stood up on faintly shaky legs, walked to the door, took one glance back
at her, and left Rydia to her thoughts. She stared down at the patch of rug
where he'd nearly collapsed, and could easily see it was matted with tears.
She stared at it for a while, attempting to assemble her thoughts around the
revelations they'd both experienced in the past short while.

After a time, she stood up and headed for the door with new resolve and a
new lightness in her heart. She tried to pretend to herself that she was
simply going to Edge's room to apologise and check on how he was. Just that.
He'd left abruptly and upset, and she really ought to thank him for
listening to her raving if nothing else. Then her eyes glimpsed the bouquet
she picked up that morning, and she could no longer hide her giddy smile.

Her fast footsteps echoed down the corridor, and did not return that night.