Dear Father,

I would wonder sometimes what it was like to have a family. A real family, with a mother and a father like what Rosa and Kain had but I never imagined it would be like this. I guess that is why I’m writing to you. Because I can’t say this out loud to people because its not what they need from me. To the world I am the first Paladin. The Half Lunar Paladin King Cecil Ya of Baron and the champion of the world, I lead the group that saved our world from a force of evil much larger then that of Golbez. That is why I’m writing this I guess. I want to just be Cecil for a little bit, even if it’s on a sheet of paper, even if no one will ever really know. Can I do that? Can the Paladin be selfish for once and be the man? Please? I want to be weak for a little bit. I want to be… I want to be human since I don’t know what it means to be Lunar. Forgive my words for they may stumble a bit, but I want to write this out but not all together. So I’ll write it out in themes make things easier for me to keep my head straight. Otherwise it may sound like insane babbling and the Paladin King just can’t do that can he? So let me start with the base of things the family I never had.

I don’t even know right now why I’m writing this to you since you can’t read it. But I have to write it to somebody and I don’t know who to write it to exactly since everyone I know, well I’ve hurt. I could give it to Rosa… But she’s my wife I don’t think she can really understand where I’m coming from. Then again I don’t think you could understand either. It is funny though when I try to think about it clearly, now that Zeromus is gone. I never knew you, I don’t know what you look like I only have the phantom voice you now possess to tell me how you sound. You never raised me though I can’t really blame you for that I guess, though I don’t know what happened all those years ago… Who knows without Zeromus maybe we could have been just one, big, happy family as they say? Just you, mother, my brother and myself. That in itself is a bit of a shock. Growing up an orphan with my white hair it used to cause me trouble because it wasn’t what people considered ‘normal’. Though after a certain age people tend to look at anything they see as abnormal and it becomes exotic, it changed from exile to center of attention really. His majesty was always kind to me though and I took up the dark sword on his request. They were popular then you know… Taking and using the powers of darkness for a ‘good’ cause as to defend a kingdom. As close to making many a Paladin as one could get I guess, it doesn’t matter though now anymore does it? Suddenly I was the center of attention heh. The outcast unwanted boy with the white hair and green eyes, suddenly I was the center of attention. Suddenly those who would not have given me the time of day sought me out to talk about ‘important’ things.

I got the chance to meet my Uncle as of late before the end of the Crystal War, I got the chance to meet him and it was a shock. I’m half alien not fully human, not fully Lunar and I just had to roll with the punches. The shock of events had been coming at a steady pace at that point so each new shock was just tossed in a pile of other shocks, either horror based shock or just plain shock. No, that was wrong, all my shock had been in horror that had been my first real un horrified shock since the whole crisis began. My uncle calm, in control, collected with an air that nothing could ever faze him and I was related to him. If I had been a boy still I would have been in greater of awe of him then I already was. Even as a young man I could feel the power and the wisdom that he radiated like warm sunshine with my budding powers as a Paladin. Long sweeping robes of deep blue with eyes that seemed to look right through you and this man was my uncle. I was entranced with what he was saying the words pouring over me, as the mystery of my life, a veil I could never lift before began to part. I was half human and half Lunar thus my hair and eyes, I had a father who had taught magic, and the building of the very Airships I had commanded. Though little information was given about my mother the revelation that I had a brother pushed that out of my mind for the moment.

I had a brother, a sibling, someone I didn’t know was living on the Blue Planet right at that moment and was related to me. Words can’t begin to describe the sudden elation I felt. Did I know him? Probably not, but I could look after the War, I could probably find him if I tried hard enough. Would he know our parents? Could he tell me more about them? What they were like, what was the house like that we lived in. Where were we born what did our parents like and dislike. A thousand questions flooded my mind as he continued but I carried on like the Paladin I am, pretending that I wasn’t focused more on the aspects of having a family then on protecting the world.

My uncle came with us when we went to stop the Giant from wreaking our homes, he came with us to the core of the Giant. I remember just as we defeated the Core when Golbez came into the room cursing us for what we had done to his plans. I grabbed the hilt of my sword ready to go into battle against him yet again when my uncle left our group. Walking in that same commanding way he walked towards Golbez and using a spell sent Golbez to his knees. I watched as my uncle collapsed on the ground his breathing hard and pained, it must not have been an easy spell. Edge and Rydia rushed to his side to aid my uncle while I readied for the attack, if Golbez had hurt my Uncle…

But my uncle asked Golbez if he could remember his father’s name and he could.

I asked myself once why had Golbez sparred me in the tower after he had slammed me back with his power. The vision itself is blurred from pain, but I can remember falling down a flight of stairs and my helmet knocked off my head from the tumble. I could remember tasting the blood in my mouth when I lifted my head and asked him why didn’t he just kill me then. I had no trouble pulling out my sword and willingly attacking him from behind, I had no trouble attacking him in the underground. Why did he stop? Why did he spare me?

Father forgive me for he’s ‘MY’ brother! The spell weakened Zeromus’s control and some how, some way he recognized me as that, his family! I wanted to murder my own ‘BROTHER’. My hands dropped from the hilt of my sword as I stood there in shock that this man of darkness, this man who had caused so much grief and pain was indeed my brother. That this man that had spared me in the Tower was my brother that I had longed to kill with my own two hands. If I am not held accountable for my actions on behalf of Baron when I stole the Water Crystal and Mass murdered the Village Mist. Then my brother who was also used can not be held accountable for his crimes. If we are both innocent of any crime then my sins surpass his for I tried to murder my brother while calling myself a Paladin. He asked if I was his brother. I could hear the uncertainty in his own voice but it no where mirrored my own his, the tone more of that he knew he had one just didn’t really know for sure that it was me. I wanted to break down right there to just cry at the joke my life had become, the brother I was going to look for was the man I wanted to kill.

How could you do this to me father? Why couldn’t you send us away together? So that I could have had him always and never feel this guilt at trying to kill my own brother. There we were in the center of the Giant and I couldn’t turn to face him not after what I had been willing to do to him. He turned and went away deciding to deal with Zeromus on his own and I left him. For as long as I could remember I’ve served under the King of Baron. He was a kind man who cared for his subjects and was willing to take me in even though I didn’t look like an average boy. Most of the children there who were serving as squires or pages came from families who had Knights or White wizards in them. For a child to be accepted in the ranks of Squires or Pages a child had to have a Knight or a Healer in the army as a parent. I had no one, technically I had no right to be accepted there and should have been left on the streets living in the gutter. It would have been where the other kids would have had me at any ways, lacking a home or a family I had no place among them. But the King took me in and he allowed me to work for a rank that I had no real place in, for which he has held my eternal gratitude. He was kind and understanding and for my childhood the closest thing I had to a father figure in my life.

And Zeromus used my brother to kill him and replace him with a monster, a monster that made me commit horrible acts against other people for the sake of power. I lost the closest person I had to a father figure because of Zeromus and I lost myself in the ensuing chaos of it all. I thought I knew who I was even if I didn’t know my past at least I knew who I was. Now I can no longer say that as half a race I only just met and know nothing about and half human I stand torn. The first of a Knighthood that has not been seen in ages, and the sole person responsible for the suffering held in Mysidia, and Mist. And I let my brother walk away, I could have said something but instead I let him leave. My… Our uncle left with him to deal with Zeromus whether they felt it was still my place to fight Zeromus I do not know. I can only hear them telling me that my brother was about to go and get himself killed and my brother’s voice, echoing in his helmet telling me goodbye. The first words he spoke to me that was of his own free will and directed to me and he said ‘goodbye’. Is that all there is in my life? Goodbye? Am I mistaken to think that the first word a person says to one another is ‘hello’?

We escaped the Giant following Kain who had once again ‘freed himself’ from someone’s mental control, whether it was Golbez’s or Zermus I’ll never really know. Edge wasn’t happy to have Kain back among us, and I could still hear Rosa trying to defend Kain reminding them that Golbez was my brother. I wish she didn’t remind me of that it was like a resurgence of an echo that I wanted to die down so I could think. But we didn’t have time to think about things we had to get back to the Red Moon. It took time to get there, the core is clearly just that the miles we traveled below the surface were uncountable. The sheer mass of the inside was also formidable it wasn’t just a single long tunnel with only an arm length to move in with. Instead it was spacious tracks of land as one went from floor to floor with hidden tunnels and stone stairs. And the cold was worse, there simply was no heat in the whole place, the lights were caused by magic not by an actual flame. We couldn’t feel much heat till we were close to the gateway towards where it turned out the Lunar people slept. Even then it was more a warm breeze then something surrounding.

That’s where we found my uncle and brother in the heat of battle against Zermus. We had been gathering weapons guarded by fearsome monsters that were supposedly bans to Zeromus’s existence. So with a new more powerful holy sword hanging at my hip, a Spear for Kain, Katana’s for Edge and increased enchanted robes and accessories for Rosa and Rydia we came. I don’t know how to describe Zermus well, but to say that he was an evil you could feel even at a distance. Even then you would want to bathe to rid the stench his very essence exuded. And even his own evil seemed to warp him in ways as he was more shifting darkness then flesh. You could see no real discernable body under his flaring robes, as my uncle and brother fought him, and it made me wonder what did Golbez look like under the armor he wore. Was he still with flesh and blood? Zermus revived him when I had killed my brother in the Underground and that thought sickens me. I had killed my own brother once, and only through a desire to see his evil designs finished did my brother get brought back to life. Surely without it, it would have been far to late when I found out about my kinship to him to have Golbez healed in body.

Right now my stomach is in knots as I write this, recalling that I did in fact nearly kill my brother at one point. Only perhaps his armor or that monster that stood beyond us, only something that slight saved my brother. It should have been me father. It should have been me to save him, to see some humanity in him when he spared me and saved him. Instead I turned my back on his prone form on the floor and was going to just walk off leaving him to be dealt with like trash. I have yet to come across anything in my life, since my ‘ascension’ into the noble ranks of a Paladin, that forgives my constant transgressions against the flesh and blood of family.

Power flared in that huge cavern near the sleeping core of the Red Moon. Such power that it lit up the whole area like the noonday sun all around us with white magic to slow him down being cast. Followed by the deep green near black pulsing power that was Golbez’s attack magic’s working. The light hurt the eyes sometimes and I found myself flinching at some of the spells being cast. Such magic, such power, power itself was nothing to a Paladin but to see two members of my own blood with this was awe inspiring to say the least. Finally the end came with the pulsing reds of a Meteo spell and the thudding sound as it made contact with the ground drowning out the sounds of shattering bone and rendering flesh. If bone and flesh remained at all of Zermus. As for the spell, Meteo was one spell I had not seen since Tella sold his life for revenge and a part of me wondered how he felt about the truth behind Golbez. I wasn’t sure myself to the answer of that question but it seemed the moment had arrived. I ignored Edge and Rydia and pretty much all the conversation though I did keep some focus on my Uncle. Finally it seemed the world was just myself and my brother standing before me, even then I couldn’t see his face at all. So hidden under that huge mask and bulky armor a part of me wished he’d at least take off the helmet so I could see his face. At the same time I wished he would keep it on so I wouldn’t have to face the absolute truth of our births. A flicker of his hand like he twitched his fingers I closed my eyes though to the sight, and turned around my emotions must have been so clear on my face. Later, after we had returned to the Blue Planet Rosa told me that Golbez reached out to me like he wanted to touch me.

However; Zeromus had emerged by then and his power sent me and all my friends, Rosa, Kain, Rydia and Edge to the staircase. I could barely stay awake from the sheer power of the attack unleashed. Everyone with me had been not so fortunate and was out cold. So I was the sole witness to the last battle my brother and Uncle fought that I could bear witness to. And it didn’t go well at all the last battle was harmless. Zermus didn’t even attack, rather he took every spell sent his way till he died which was odd when I thought about it, then again my Uncle had cast a slow spell. I had thought that was why but it seemed I was wrong, as no attacks from either my Uncle or my brother seemed to work. Instead that floating mass of hair sent out his own spell and the Meteo spell now defeated both my uncle and brother in one hit. I passed out, the last sight in my eyes that of my brother’s armored form hitting the ground in front of me.

Suddenly it got very noisy in my head as many voices began to speak up telling me to stand up and fight and I finally opened my eyes. I couldn’t have been out for very long my brother was still on the ground laboring for his breath. I could hear him choking and gasping for air from the attack and the dust that it had kicked up not to mention the pain of the fires. Hot fire plus Heat absorbing armor was going to equal in many a splendid burns on my brother’s body I could tell. I pushed myself to my knees then after a moment to get my breath and balance back I stood up, half staggered half limped to my brother’s side.

It’s funny that I keep saying ‘brother’ now when I couldn’t get the word out of my mouth I kept calling him Golbez then. I stumbled to his side dropping to my knees and turning him over some hoping that it would ease his breathing. There was a crystal clenched in his hand and with a gasping breath he passed me the crystal telling me to use it. With that he passed out from the pain and the fight and I left him face down on the ground hoping he wouldn’t drown in his own blood. The voices didn’t let up, the twins were calling me, I failed them and they turned to stone when I should have protected them. Edward was calling me, telling me to show them what true courage was, I had been to afraid to do what I felt right from the beginning aiding in this misery though. I heard Yang calling, I heard Cid and his assistants, I heard the Sisters Clerics that had trusted me with their crystal and I gave it away. I heard King Giott and his daughter Luca calling me. I had to answer I couldn’t ignore this anymore and I couldn’t run away from it anymore.

I couldn’t believe in myself anymore I had failed so many times, Mysidia, Mist, Damcyan, Fabul, on and on the list goes, I couldn’t believe that alone I could do this. But there was no one else the others were out cold so if I had to fight Zeromus then so be it I would fight him alone. I pushed myself back to my feet and went to face the evil, hurt though I was, I would fight. The voices in my head didn’t stop talking but they didn’t just stay in my head, spreading out into spirits they went to the others as well. I couldn’t see them though I couldn’t see them stand up and be recharged by the spirits I was simply focused on the evil before me. Then before me on either side were my uncle and my brother looking at me though I knew they were out cold on the ground around me. I felt their power fill me give me their strength in spirit in the way they’re beaten forms could not give.

And the battle began.

Father that battle had been the most grueling experience I had ever had to endure in my life. Even with the help of my friends it was still near next to impossible to beat Zeromus. Time and again I had asked myself how much more could he possibly take as we tore at him relentlessly but his attacks were brutal as well. I had used the crystal as Golbez said to and it had lowered the defenses that Zeromus had erected around himself making it possible to hurt him. Time and time again I cut into this strange form of hate with my sword, we all attacked injuries taking their tolls. But it seemed at times that he just wouldn’t go down and a part of me wondered if there was any point. Could we even beat him, I mean this is Pure Hate would we really stand a chance? So far we had seemed to accomplish nothing at all during this long dragged out fight. The only answer though was, yes. We ‘had’ to fight, we ‘had’ to win there just wasn’t anyone else that could do it. We were here with him he couldn’t get out and we could shove him back into whatever little rock he had crawled out from under.

And we won. One minute we were fighting for our lives and the next minute we were watching him fall to the ground in a dusty, moldy heap of.. hate? Of something, but I couldn’t tell, all that mattered to me was resting. I was gulping down air in exhaustion before I noticed someone touching me on the shoulder. Turning my head I noticed it couldn’t be Kain though it was clearly a man’s hand on my shoulder and that told me everything. I didn’t look though I couldn’t face him, finally the hand released my shoulder and my Uncle continued to talk and I focused my attention on him. He went back to his sleep Father your brother was going back to sleep and my brother went with him.

He left me father. I… I failed, I couldn’t accept him so he decided to see your people. Since he decided that the Blue Planet could never forgive him for what he had done. But I know what he meant. ‘I’ couldn’t forgive him I couldn’t accept him for what he had done. When will I ever be truly worthy of this mantle as Paladin, Father? I don’t know if I can be that pure not after all that has happened I can’t find that light everyone says they see inside me. Light among light is lost. Perhaps if my brother had not left I could find my light when next to his darkness. Maybe one day I’ll see my brother again. Maybe one day I won’t feel this shame and grief. Maybe…

Father Forgive me for I have sinned.