21.

Bitter dawn

The next hours of flight were probably the most dejected ones ever -- the mood of the group seemed to have reached its lowest point so far. No one talked much as the grief and disbelief due to Dawn's loss, Jonas' sacrifice and Mallack's doing in Mysidia were still too overwhelming. Only Yang found the strength to explain the sad happenings to Cid and Edge in his own, calm and very dignified way.

Cecil was leaning on the railing, his white hair blowing into his face and the harsh flight wind stinging his eyes, but he did not care, as his thoughts were occupied with other things. His mind and body felt so heavy; so tired--all the happenings of the last hours had worn him out so much, that he had no strength left to grieve. There was only this weariness and the strange feeling that all this was unreal, that in the next minute everything would be like it used to be -- though he did not even seem to remember how things had been before.

It was not the first time that they had to cope with the loss of people on a mission - there had been Rydia's mother, Tellah, Anna. Being warriors and mages, it was a risk Cecil and his friends had to carry - death was always as well an option as victory and staying alive, although they all tried to put aside this fact as best as they could. And even if the worst case happened, they had always found the strength to overcome their sadness at least for a while.  Now, for the first time, Cecil wondered how they had been able to do so. How could he ever live a normal life after what had happened this day - this day where they had lost not only one, but probably two friends? With her action, Dawn had tried to give them a chance, but the Paladin had the impression that she had only taken all hope with her down the cliff.

Never had the loss of people been so needless in his eyes, so futile, such a madness. The horrors of the alien might of Zeromus, the nightmare of the Giant of Babil, the voyage to a barren moon -- all these just seemed to be insignificant trifles in contrast to the things which were happening now. They had become the enemies of their own people, had to escape like fugitives, had no one to help them. And the worst thing was that even if they could defeat Mallack, there was no telling what would happen to the townspeople… Would the spell over them really be broken? After all Mallack had only used their greatest innermost fears and wished for his own purpose. Cecil wondered if everything he and the rulers of the Blue Planet had done after the defeat of Zeromus had been so wrong.

"Things will never be the same again…"

Desperation soared up in the Paladin -- as well as the wish that time would just stop, that this river called life would stop flowing for a minute… but it didn't. Slowly, he watched the sun going up, bathing the sky in a red-orange light, though this morning the colour had something cruel to it.

"Dawn..." he whispered and felt the sting of his salty tears in his eyes again.  Suddenly two gentle arms were embracing him from behind and he felt silky locks against his skin.  Rosa had approached him with faint steps and was leaning at his shoulder, eyes half closed.

"I was thinking about her, too…" she said softly.

Cecil nodded and swallowed heavily, though he was grateful for the warmth and comfort of his wife by his side.  "I should have known that she felt more for me… Maybe I knew, but I was so selfish… I didn't want to loose her as a friend, so I never talked to her about it…" He realized how every touch, every nice word of his must have tormented Dawn.

Rosa raised her head, so that Cecil could look into her big blue eyes. Her gaze was full of sorrow and guilt and spoke out what his wife thought even before she had uttered one word:

"Deep in my heart I…I knew it as well, I think... But…but somehow I didn't care. There was nothing possessive in her desire, nothing I was afraid of. Besides, I trusted you, Cecil. She always understood so well -- about my feelings, about yours… It was like you could share all your sorrows with her and she made them disappear."

"Yes, she always thought only of the well being of others… Until her last breath. She even accepted our love." Cecil tore his gaze away from the rising sun and embraced Rosa more tightly, her former words soothing his mind a bit, as they meant that he was not alone in his guilt. "For our own comfort we took advantage of Dawn's feeling..." he murmured quietly, stroking the golden locks of his wife.

"You know that this is not true," Golbez said and joined the couple at the railing. "It was her own decision to stay by your side and this decision was right in her eyes... Although in the eyes of others, things might look different." He sounded bitter and Cecil started to wonder, again, if there had been more to what his brother had felt for Dawn…

"Still her death was needless!" Rosa looked up, her gaze tearstained and nearly defiant. "I still believe that things would have ended differently if we had taken more care of Dawn!"

"I think so as well, but Golbez does not believe in hope. For him, everything seems to be prefabricated - even the destiny of living beings," Cecil said, his voice unusually firm all of a sudden.  He fixed his gaze upon his brother as sternly as he could, trying to ignore the other's arrogant expression.  Swallowing the sorrow he was feeling, he cracked a little, but also, bitter smile. "But you will be surprised to see, Golbez, that things will not always turn out the way you expect them to be. You will learn that soon enough…"

His brother as well as his wife looked at him, confused, not understanding what Cecil meant with his words. Then Golbez grinned slightly, shrugged and turned to walk away.

"Well, then I'll let myself be surprised…"

"Sometimes I wonder what it is that makes us continue going our way on and on… Even now..." Cecil murmured as he turned to watch the dawn over his wife's shoulder, holding her tightly in his arms.

"Maybe it's just us…" Rosa whispered into his ear. "After all we're still not alone... I'll go on, as long as you're by my side."

"Yes… As long as we have each other…" Cecil repeated, though his expression was suddenly filled with pain, as if some terrible thought had come into his mind and was hurting him more than the light of the sun stinging once more in his eyes...

~*~

Later that day they flew over the island of Agart.

"So the islands near Silvera are not far away. Let's just hope that the Dark Paladins are not guarding Mallack's hideout with more airships!" Cid snorted.

"I don't think so," Cecil calmed him. "Mallack is a person who is very sure about his own doings.  Unless he read our thoughts or has noticed the missing Samon by now, he will think that we're out of the way and that he's safe."

"Then again, he was often enough one step ahead of us and knew exactly what we would do next…" the Paladin mused, but kept the thought to himself.

Rydia was looking down at Agart, gazing sadly at the broken entrance to the underworld.

"Do you think we have any chance against Mallack?" she asked in a low voice. "Though he is a human, there's something scary about him. For some reason, he frightens me more than Zeromus…"

"Well, we do have the crystal shard, right? And a Paladin which can use it to destroy this black stone!" Edge remarked, still trying to sound cheerful, although worry was mirrored in his features, as well.

"Very funny, Edge..." Rosa rolled her eyes, though to her surprise her husband smiled.

"But he's right... This crystal--" Cecil carefully took it out of the inner pocket of his cloak, "and my powers might be the only means to destroy Mallack's devilish stones. That's the reason why it would be better to separate these two "things"."

"I see," Yang nodded, "So if anything should happen--"

Rosa was looking at him, appalled. "Don't start with this again…" she said, getting supported by understanding looks from Rydia.

"All Cecil wants to say is that it would be better if someone else would carry the crystal, so that Mallack can not get hold of everything," Kain tried to console the two women.

After a second of contemplation, Rosa nodded. "Of course. I'm sorry, but my nerves are a bit worn out. Of course this would be best..." she said, her usual calmness returning.

"So… Who will take the crystal?" Edge wondered.

Cecil smiled, though it was not his usual friendly one, but nearly triumphant.

"I've thought about this for a long time and I've come to the conclusion that we should give it to the person Mallack would assume the least likely to have it." He took a step forward. "Golbez."

"WHAT?" Kain looked at the Paladin with big eyes, frowning like most of the others. Cecil did not seem to mind the skepticism of his friends much, which was a rather disturbing sign, as normally the Paladin was the first to question his own decisions.

Golbez suddenly started to chuckle quietly. "Very amusing, Cecil… So this is what you meant when you spoke about a "surprise". And indeed I am surprised -- surprised that you still have not lost your sense of humour!"

"This is no joke," Cecil approached his brother, offering the sparkling shard to him. The mocking smile left Golbez's face.

"I will not take it!" he stated, irritated.

"You will!" Cecil looked at him, unimpressed.  He obviously had expected such a reaction. "It's an order from me as the leader of the group!" As he saw Golbez raise an eyebrow, the Paladin's expression softened a bit.  "But even more it is a request from brother to brother…"

"As your brother I would have to decline your wish--you don't know what danger you're bringing all of us with your plan!" Golbez shook his head, but then slowly took the crystal from Cecil. "But I will not go against any orders…" His eyes narrowed and he smiled maliciously: "After all, I'm good at following orders.  Zeromus was always very pleased with me…"

Cecil's eyes went wide due to this remark, but before he could reply with anything, Kain was by his side: "That's enough!  Don't listen to this madman a minute longer!  Damn wizard--Cecil is showing his trust by giving you the most precious thing we have and in return you mock him?!" he snarled.

"I had no intention of mocking him. He's a good leader, but all this "Paladin", "hope" and "trust" twaddle went to his head," Golbez replied calmly. "This here is no fight in which you can divide clearly between evil and good. You have seen yourself how people you thought to be trustworthy have turned against you.  Mallack plays his own game and I will be the first one of this group he will try to get on his side."

"Fine!" Cecil hissed, "the crystal shard will be a good protection against his powers then..."

The remark left Golbez speechless. Kain grinned, though as he looked at his friend, Cecil's expression was not triumphant, but somehow sad, knowing that his plan was worsening the relationship with his brother instead of strengthening it.

"Very well," Golbez examined the crystal shard in his hand nearly disgusted, as if the feel of the object would cause him pain. Then he faced his brother again. "Lately, you talk much about hope - so let's pray that it will not leave us now as giving the crystal to me was probably the greatest mistake one can commit. Dawn knew this..." He put the crystal away quickly as if he could no longer stand to look at it.

For a moment, doubts surged up in Cecil. "Dawn was in fact afraid that Golbez was to have the crystal…" But he pushed the thoughts aside--in his eyes there was no reason to worry.  He wanted to trust Golbez, and giving the crystal to him was a possibility to show it and to teach Golbez to trust in himself, as well.

"I'm sure that you will take good care of the crystal, Golbez," the Paladin murmured. "And the crystal of you."

"Hey everyone!  We've nearly reached the archipelago!" Cid suddenly shouted from his place behind the steer and everyone ran towards the railing.  Under them, the scattered Silveran islands came into view, the sea around them lined with sandbanks and rocky cliffs.  

"There's the biggest mine!" Cecil pointed downwards. "But how are we supposed to reach it without the hovercraft? To bring the Enterprise down looks impossible to me… There's not enough free space."

"Don't you worry about that, boy!" Cid shouted. "Give me a grain of sand, and I'll land the airship on it!  I've practiced a lot!" He narrowed his eyes in concentration and prepared for a landing.

"I've never see him practicing..." Kain grabbed the railing tighter: No one dared to speak as Cid brought the airship down slowly, managing only barely to land at the bottom of a hillside, more lopsided than straight.

"I wonder if anyone has noticed us…" Rydia wondered after she had recovered from the landing. "This island is so little…"

"We'll find out soon enough," Cecil murmured

"Someone should stay to guard the airship," Kain proposed, looking at Cid.

"What?" The engineer burst out, "do you think an old man like me can't fight any more?! I'll show you how--"

"Cid, please…" Kain's tone was unusually friendly. "Please think of your daughter.  I just do not want that--" he bowed his head, not daring to speak out what he feared.

The engineer had understood him anyway and was watching him earnestly. "Alright.  Someone really needs to take care of the airship. But you all take care, will you? You too, Kain… I believe that you need to do some fixing up with Diane when you come back."

Kain looked at him, surprised: "Why... Yes, perhaps I need to…Take care as well, Cid..."

The older man murmured something inaudible, and turned his attention to the airship, not wanting to make too much fuss about the parting from the group.  "Now get a move on!  And when you come back, I'll be here to celebrate your victory - no matter what will await you in the mines, I'm sure that it can't be worse than the fight against Zeromus!"

Cecil tried to smile, but inwardly he couldn't really agree with the words of his old friend.  "I wish I could share Cid's optimism, but the whole thing is a lot worse then everything I've ever experienced…"

Rosa seemed to feel uneasy as well and squeezed Cecil's hand nervously.  The Paladin would have liked to ask her to stay with Cid, but knew that she would never have agreed to it. He took a look at his friends: Kain, though he was brooding over something--probably Diane--looked up as he felt the gaze of his friend on him and grinned. Though it was not his usual mischievous one, it still had a lot of confidence in it and with a wink he patted the handle of his weapon with his healthy arm.

"At least this is like in old times…"

Rydia was eying the surroundings nervously, but still tried to stay composed. Edge was at her side and made some jokes, trying to break the tension and one or two remarks even made the caller smile.

Yang was as calm as ever, maybe just more serious than usual--he was a source of composure and experience for the group that Cecil was glad of. 

Finally Rosa, next to him.  His wife looked up and, though with obvious difficulties, managed a smile: "Don't you worry about me... Things will be fine as long as we all hold together..."  Her husband smiled back.  In fact in this moment the group seemed closer than ever before, as the understanding, harmony, and trust between the friends had never been stronger.

"This unity could be our strength… I hope that it will not leave us..." Cecil's look fell on Golbez who was standing some feet away, back turned to the group and his thoughts once again closed to his brother.

" I know that I can trust you, Golbez…"

Now, there was only one thing left to do:

"Lets go!" the Paladin exclaimed. "The mine entrance should be near here somewhere…"