15.

The freedom to choose

"You should rest a bit, Ms. Farrell.." Cecil told his mother-in-law as he and Rosa accompanied her to an empty guest room.

"Cecil's right, mother," Rosa agreed, "you look exhausted..."

"I cannot believe that Morrison...that my dear husband would do such things!" Margaret shook her head, her harsh features full of sorrow -- she was looking afraid and lonely, somehow.

"Your husband is only under a spell..." Cecil tried to console her.

"Only under a spell? Why didn't you tell me so from the beginning? Why did you lie to me?" Margaret demanded, glaring at him angrily, but also desperately.

"Mother!" Rosa reprimanded her. "We didn't want to upset you too much!" She bowed her head and she began to sob, the pressure of the last hours slowly falling off from her.

"What do you think I felt having to see father like this?! I was sure that he was dead, and now it turns out that he's alive... But in such...in such a terrible way... He even wanted to kill our friends!" She sobbed harder now, her body starting to shiver.

"Rosa!" Cecil and Margaret uttered nearly at once. The Paladin laid an arm around his wife to comfort her, while Margaret tookthe hand of her daughter. As their gazes met, for once there was no hostility in Margaret's gaze towards her son-in-law, but only worry. Rosa had tried to hide her sorrow as best as she could all this time, but ultimately, she could take no more.

"I’m sorry, my dear..." Margaret said gently. "I was only thinking of myself, forgetting that for you, the situation is hard as well..."

Rosa nodded and swallowed her tears. "It's okay, mother.. Everything will be alright. After all, I don't have to face the situation alone - there's still you and Cecil..." She whispered. To the Paladin's surprise, Margaret suppressed a cynical remark, but agreed with her daughter.

By now, they had reached the guestroom. "I'll be fine on my own. You seem to need rest more than I do, Rosa," Margaret said, but as Cecil and her daughter were about to leave her, she held them back:

"Cecil, you promised that you would save Morrison. But after we saw, after I saw what has become of him..." She made a little pause, taking a deep breath, "can you still promise it?"

Her son-in-law turned around slowly. "What can I tell her? Morrison nearly killed Kain and did not even recognize his own daughter. Also, we have no clue how to break Mallack's spell on him..." Suddenly he felt Rosa's gaze on him as well. "As long as we're together, we can overcome any obstacle. I hope I was right when I said this..."

"Yes... My promise still stands," The Paladin finally answered, although his voice sounded strained. 

Margaret nodded, wordlessly, and then withdrew to her room, where she just stared out of the window. Rosa took Cecil's hand and pulled him away from the room.

"Cecil, will mother be safe here?" She asked him anxiously.

"Yes. I don't think that the castle guards would turn against us. They're satisfied since I arrested Golbez. I don't know about the villagers, though. But it is unlikely that they will be able to enter the castle once more..."

His wife frowned. "Yes, you're right... Still..."

"Cecil! Rosa!" Two very agitated voices shouted at once--they belonged to Edge and Rydia, who came running around a corner. "Something terrible has happened!"

"What are you doing here? I thought you were with the airship?" Cecil wondered.

"We were..." Edge panted, "Cid is now with it. But soon after he had arrived, we heard a loud commotion coming from town!"

"In the distance we could spot some townspeople..." Rydia was pale and looked at the Paladin and his wife with wide eyes. "They had torches in their hands and weapons! We feared that they wanted to damage the Enterprise, so Cid decided that it would be safer to move the airship to another place..."

"I see..." Cecil said gravely, "So it has started here as well. Where did Cid fly to?"

"He wanted to land in the valley near Mist," Edge informed him.

"What? But that's behind the caves! It's a long walk!"

"We know, but the grasslands around Baron are too open. He had no other chance in order to ensure that the townspeople couldn't follow him." Rydia explained. The young woman hung her head. "I don't understand all this... The good people of Baron trying to burn our airship... What have we done to deserve all this?"

"Perhaps nothing, or perhaps too much..." Cecil laid a friendly hand on her slender shoulder. "In any case, it seems that we will have to depart sooner than planned. Probably even tonight. Please tell all our friends that we'll meet at the castle gates when the sun has set..." He kissed his wife on the cheek. "And you please try to get some rest..."

"Yes. But where are you going now?" Rosa asked him, surprised.

"I'm going to tell Kain that we're leaving tonight -- although probably without him," the Paladin said and left for the room where Kain was staying in. On his way, he suddenly spotted Dawn. The silver-haired woman was standing at a window, not aware of her surroundings. "She's looking lonely... I wonder if it is because of Mallack..."

He decided to ask her later about these things, for right now he had to inform her about the latest happenings. "Dawn, I have to tell you something important." He addressed her. Upon hearing his voice, the young woman jumped a bit, as if she had been deep in her thoughts.

As she turned to face him, though, she showed him that encouraging smile, which the Paladin knew so well. Her smile vanished as she saw the expression on the Half-Lunarian's face. "Cecil! What's the matter?"

"It seems that the townspeople are starting to rebel. So we're leaving not tomorrow, but today after sunset..." Cecil told her.

"Alright. Then until later..." Dawn fixated the Paladin with her blue eyes. "Oh, and please don't worry about Golbez. It was the right decision in that moment and he knows that, too. And he also knows that he will not have to stay in his cell for long." She winked towards her friend.

"What? Oh, yes... Of course..." Cecil was rather put off by Dawn's remark -- he had tried to banish any thought concerning his brother as well as his plans of freeing him as best as he could from his consciousness, but then again, it was hard to hide anything from Dawn. This fact did not made him feel uneasy, but strengthened the admiration he felt for her.

"Although she herself has a troublesome past, she still finds the strength to confront herself with the fears and problems of others... I wonder how she can do so…" He gave Dawn a friendly smile, before he entered Kain's quarters.

The Dragoon was awake, staring at the ceiling. He turned his head as his friend entered the room. "Hey Cecil, how are things?" he asked. Kain's voice sounded weak, but Cecil presumed that it had to do with his injury.

"I fear that things have taken a turn for the worse..." The Paladin sighed and explained the situation to his friend in short.

"So we'll meet at the castle entrance. Got it." Kain said after Cecil had ended his report.

"We?" Cecil frowned. "Don't tell me that you want to accompany us! Your wound is--"

"--not that bad. You have knownme long enough to know that I've had worse injuries..." Kain interrupted him.

Cecil wanted to protest, but his friend would not let him, "Haven't you heard what Morrison said about me?" The hissed and anger and hurt pride spoke out of his voice. "That's not a thing that is only your or the other ruler's problem." He looked at his friend, his gaze nearly desperate. "I want to see how they manage to manipulate people! I want to see if it was right what Morrison said about manipulating me... And then I want to stop these Dark Paladins, so that they can never use people again and destroy their lives..."

Cecil understood what Kain wanted to say, but still hesitated to agree to his wish. On the other hand, he knew that holding back Kain from something he wanted, was nearly impossible. He tried it, nonetheless.

"Alright. I do understand your motives, but what about Diane? She was so worried about you when..." He stopped, startled, as he watched Kain's reaction upon hearing the name of his girlfriend. The blond fighter turned his head away from Cecil, took a deep breath and turned around again, his gaze suddenly hard as a rock.

"Don't worry about Diane..." The dragoon said in a firm voice, his expression cold. "She's spending some time at an aunt of hers... We just split up..." 

"What?" Cecil could not believe what he had just heard and stared at his friend with a mixture of confusion and disbelief. "You just split up?"

"Are you deaf? Yes, just as I said..." Kain snapped, glaring angrily at his friend. "It's no concern of yours! And if we now could please change the subject..." This time it was Kain's turn to stop in mid-sentence as he got aware of the change in Cecil's expression: the Paladin was looking at him, visibly annoyed.

"No. I'll not change the subject, Kain!" Cecil stated, his tone nearly imperious. "What you do or decide is of course your own business and if you don't want to speak about your problems, I will have to accept this. But--" He took a deep breath, then bent forward and looked his friend right into the eyes, with such a serious expression, which made Kain frown.

"But right now, such secrets could be our doom!" The Paladin continued empathetically. "Mallack's men are trying to drive us apart! You saw what they did to Rosa's father, you saw how the townspeople followed his orders! Darn, Kain -- I even had to arrest my own brother due to his influence on the people!" His voice got louder. "You know what happened on Mt. Ordeals and you heard that poor Edward is a prisoner in his own castle..." Cecil was nearly yelling at him now. "And now you tell me that I shouldn't be worried about my best friend splitting up with the women he loves! Do you think me a fool?"

Kain stared at his friend, speechless. The last time Cecil had talked to him in such a fashion had been shortly after Kain's return from Mt. Ordeals. In both cases, Cecil's behaviour had been a clear proof of the desperation the normally calm Paladin was in. Cecil seemed to have the same thought and he fell back into a chair, looking miserable. 

"How could I...?"

"I... I'm sorry, Kain..." he said quietly.

"You look exhausted..." Kain noted dryly and eyed his friend, still frowning.

"Yes... But it's not only that..." Cecil answered, avoiding the gaze of his friend, as he felt ashamed. "I don't know what's gotten into me to talk to you that way... I'm not my normal self anymore: I'm irritable, can't seem to think clearly, don't behave like I should... Perhaps I'm there, where Mallack wants to have me to... After all, I have been that way since the whole mess started on Mt. Ordeals and I had this serious quarrel with Rosa..."

"Yes... And do you still remember how you shouted at Golbez at the meeting? And at Rydia and Edge as they wanted to address Kieran to you?" Kain remarked.

Cecil still did not look up and only nodded, inertly probably cursing athimself.

"And the quarrel with Margaret during dinner. And the one with the Mysidian boy in the throne room--you nearly hurt him as you smashed him against the wall..." Kain continued without mercy.

Cecil's shoulders drooped down; a wordless sign that he remembered these things very well.

"And don't forget about the quarrels we had shortly after I had arrived here..." Kain's voice suddenly had a strange touch to it and Cecil looked up, finally--Kain was looking at him, grinning broadly.

"Kain. What are you grinning at me for?" The Paladin asked his friend, wearily.

"Of course you are not your usual self lately--no one of us is. But I just thought that although you might have overreacted a bit on each of these occasions, everything still turned out good in the end." Kain told him.

"But--" Cecil wanted to protest, but his friend did not let him speak.

"Cecil, you said yourself that Mallack's men are trying to separate us... But look at us - no matter how hard we quarrelled, no matter what happened, we are all still holding together. Rosa is still at your side, more than ever before, and you even managed to get along with Jonas from what I heard."

Cecil frowned, but did not go into the presumption more closely, and let Kain speak on, instead.

"Edge, Rydia, Yang and all the others are still fighting together with you -- and don't forget that we too are still friends as well... Don't always look at your faults, but at the right decisions you have made... No one is blaming you if you react a bit exasperated sometimes..." He uttered a quiet laugh. "Seeing how many problems lie on your shoulders, it's amazing anyway that you still have the strength to shout at your friends like that... And this look of yours as you stared me right into the eyes was really scary! You should try it out with Samon or this devil Mallack..."

Cecil had to grin, but inwardly he felt so moved by the understanding of his friend, that he hardly could speak. "Kain...I..."

Kain shook his head. "Now stop it, Cecil. And promise me one thing: stop apologizing for everything you do or the things you don't!"

Cecil was still staring at his friend with wide, nearly glassy eyes.

Kain sighed. "Cecil! Now please don't start to do something stupid like crying or so... I've made enough people cry in my life and adding the ruler of Baron to my list, wouldn't make me very happy... Even more as he's my best friend..."

"Yes. Best friends... Forever..." Cecil could not help, but smile. Although they had often talked about their friendship since Kain had returned, their oath had never sounded as earnest and true as today. Kain seemed to feel this, as well and he suddenly got very serious:

"I was always jealous of you, Cecil... Maybe even lately as I noticed that you and Rosa are able to live your life, living your love in a way that Diane and I cannot." He paused for a moment -- Cecil decided not to ask more questions about Diane unless Kain talked about it out of his own free will.

"But you said to Morrison that you had overcome this jealousy..." He asked, instead.

Kain nodded. "Yes... And this is true in most respects... I'm not much for too much talk, but there's something I want to tell you: During the last months I learned a lot about myself, but also about you -- although we have been friends for such a long time, I only realized recently that there never was a need to be jealous of you... I used to think that I could never achieve and get the things you could, but I was wrong. Everything was always in my reach as well, I just didn't reach out for it and it probably was good this way... Seeing the responsibility you had to bear even when you were still Captain of the Red Wings, not to speak of the burden you have to carry now as Paladin and King -- I couldn't take it, and I guess I would not want it as well... I don't know why I ever wanted it in the first place -- maybe it was an illusion as my love to Rosa, a substitute for the things I really wanted, but never had the strength to fight for: a life which is free, which is not manipulated by someone else, be it the orders of a King or an evil might like Zeromus... You and Rosa gave me the opportunity to realize this, as you forgave me and presented me with a second chance. And Diane, who broke out of her safe little world for the sake of our love, showed me that life gives you the chance to choose the seemingly impossible -- even freedom...." Kain suddenly averted his gaze, some strands of his long blond hair falling into his face and veiling his green eyes.

"But I also learned that this self-chosen freedom isn't as free as one might think... It brings a lot of responsibility with it in order not to misuse it, like Mallack did for example. And as I told you, responsibility is something I'm not good at. I look at you and wonder how you did manage not to break it by now by all the decisions you had to reach in your life. I still remember how you freed Rosa back then -- instead of killing me right then, you kept a clear head and as such could rescue her in time..." He bit his lip and uttered a sharp laugh.

"Listen to me, it really seems as there's some envy left in me, Cecil... I envy you for your strength because I'm even too weak to bear my love for Diane... I've never loved someone that much before, but we both cannot live with the other. It's like our feelings for each other is not only taking our breath away, but also our freedom -- as if our love suddenly is the only factor which is deciding our actions and thoughts. That's why I missed Morrison... It could not go on this way, at least not in these dangerous times... So we split up; pretending that our lives belonged to no one but ourselves once more. Although this is a terrible and stupid lie..."

Cecil had listened intently to his friend and now said gently, his expression full of respect for the other one: "You said that you were not as strong as I am, but this is not true. You're just about to shape your own life with all the good and bad sides which belong to it... This is something I have failed to do at some point."

Kain looked at his friend, surprised. Cecil continued, calmly: "Sure there were some things that happened according to my own will and decisions: my love to Rosa, my decision back then in Mist to disobey the orders of the King... I also do not regret that I became a Paladin and King of Baron, but concerning both things, I'm not sure if I had chosen them, if I had seen a choice... Many things I did or do, I seem to do because something is confining me... This confinement is the will of the people, it's my heritage and of course my past..."

He shook his head, certain things becoming clear to him, for the first time, "So about what you and Diane decided -- I cannot tell if it was the right decision or if it will help. But to go against the confinements of your love and to admit that both of you may not be ready yet for such a relationship is something which demands much strength to do. And even more what you said to Morrison and that you dared to wield Legend..." He smiled.

"So I guess now it's my turn to envy you, Kain. You found the strength to overcome your past and decided to live your life according to your own decisions always -- even if this means to endure hard consequences..."

As much as they moved him, the words of his friend also confused Kain. "But what about the consequences my way to lead my life brings for others?"

"I do believe that you will take care of that. Besides, it was Diane's decision as well..." Cecil replied.

Kain nodded. "Perhaps... Cecil, you cannot fathom what your words mean to me. Still you should not envy me -- maybe you have chosen more things in your life than you know... One doesn't become a Paladin because one feels responsible to become one -- your father surely knew that, too. Also be happy that your relationship to Rosa is more blessed..."

"Now I'm hearing jealousy in your voice!" Cecil suddenly grinned and waved a finger at Kain, playfully accusing. "At least Cid will leave you alone for a while, while I still have my dear mother-in-law to get along with..."

Kain's eyes sparkled mischievously. "Speaking of Margaret: isn't it too dangerous for her to stay in the castle?"

"No... Even if some townspeople should manage to storm the castle and should discover her, she would probably start to rant about me like she always does and they'll probably think that she is one their side..." Cecil smirked and both men had to laugh.

"Maybe she'll become nicer if we bring back her husband. Good that I didn't kill him after all." Kain joked around despite the serious subject.

"If Morrison wants to return to his wife... Who knows why he really disappeared during the mission?" Cecil grinned, as well forgetting for a moment the difficult situation they were in. However, the awareness of this fact returned to both friends soon enough and their expressions turned serious once more.

"It has been good talking to you, Cecil..." Kain said after a moment of silence. "Like old times... Let's show Mallack that friends can't be separated by some stupid magic trick!

"Yes. So until later. It's your decision to come with us, so I guess I can't do anything against it." Before Cecil left the room, he added: "Maybe the whole affair will even end good for you...and Diane..."

Kain sighed and let himself fall backinto the pillows. "Or not... The difficult part is not to make decisions, but to know whether they're right or wrong…"