Chapter 9

Behind Azure Eyes

How could he possibly do this?

"He is the one responsible for the death of my parents, and for the death of her…" Desperation showing in expression and gesture, Edward wrapped a soft cloth around hisbeloved lyre, then packed it intoa little bundle.

But wasn't it like Golbez had verified? Life didn’t give you the room to choose and the whole "adventure" the day before had turned out different than expected; though Edward didn't exactly know what he had expected. He remembered that he had ventured into the cave fearlessly, but had become terribly frightened as the rats appeared… It seemed that although any other emotions of the human mind had been suffocated by the one overwhelming feel of sadness that he bore since Anna's death, fear was the one feeling that still broke through now and then. 

"Why am I always such a coward? Why can't I do things on my own?"

Still, he could not bring himself to change, since the fear also destroyed every little trace of hope the sadness had left behind in his being…

"Every day here is a day lost. And in contrast to my friends, he doesn't care for anything or anyone, so he at least will not reproach me nor has he the right to do so…"

After all, Edward was blaming himself enough.

"How can I leave them alone? It was my responsibility to care for the Kingdom; it is the heritage of my mother and father…"

Still, all these self-accusations were only shallow thoughts, more born out of knowledge that this was what he should feel, rather than what he was feeling. And he wasn't feeling anything, since most emotions had long left him.

He packed the last of hisclothes into the bundle.

"I have no choice…"

Anna's death had chosen his way a long time ago.

xOx

"So, does anyone know how to fly this thing?" Leah, hands on her hips, regarded the yellow and red vehicle before her with skepticism.

"I bet Golbez here can!" As usual, Tristan was imperturbably optimistic. "You used to command airships, right?"

The black haired wizard smiled mockingly in the dim light of the shack they were standing in.

"I fear that I'll have to disappoint you. A hovercraft is not a very convenient vehicle for taking over Kingdoms, thus it has never been of use to me or my Master. Still, it looks like a simple machine and it should be of no problem to find out how it works." Opening the door to let some more of the moonlight into the room, Golbez began to study the hovercraft controls with the air of a bored intellectual.

"You will need these to start it…" The soft tinkling of metal made the three companions turn around.

In the pale light cone of the open door, Edward's soft features became visible.With a little nod, Golbez reached out for the keys which were dangling from the bard's hand.

"No…" It was a restrained no, which became more weight as Edward pulled the keys away.

Golbez raised an eyebrow. "What's the matter?"

"I…" For a moment Edward's voice faltered. "I will keep the keys and drive the hovercraft. I want to accompany you…" Shame spoke out of his words.

"I hope you understand that this is not possible, King Edward. This here will be no short trip and surely duties await you tomorrow." Golbez explained calmly: It should be easy enough to dissuade the man before him fromhis plans.

"No, this Kingdom does not need someone as-- It does not need me. You all know I tried to run away before…"

Golbez uttered a little laugh. "You called that running away? Running away into your death, that is. I knew it from the moment we found you--you have the air of someone who is sick of living…"

"Then we have something in common, don't you think?" The words had escaped Edward before fear could close his mouth. For a moment Golbez was speechless.

Edward used the pause to speak on. "But… but you are not right. I didn't want to die back there… I didn't know what I wanted--I just wanted to get away and here is a chance for me to do so. I… I will give you the keys only if I can accompany you." His voice was still trembling and then, quickly, he added, "I promise I won't be of any hindrance to you and Cecil never needs to know…"

"Cecil never needs to know?" Golbez had well noticed Tristan's dirty little smile.

"For the first coin which flips into his hand, he'll shout aloud from every roof that Edward has fled from his duties…"

"Listen, I'd hate to act threatening in front of my brother's friends, even more so as you have endured much through my hand, but what makes you thinkthat I'm not able to take the keys without your allowance?" The dark wizard straightened up and took a menacing step towards Edward.

"Golbez…" Leah tried to hold him back, but was stopped by Tristan, who indicated with an unmistakable gesture of his hand to stay silent and just watch things.

"Is this everything you have learned, Master Golbez? Making threats? Have Cecil and Dawn taught you nothing? Can you really return to the moon without having once shown compassion? Without having once been…human?" Though Edward's voice still trembled, there now was something else to it--something defiant and absolute.

Golbez had listened to the other's words with a raised eyebrow.

"I have been human way too often sine I returned here…."

"If you want to talk with me about humanity, King Edward, you have the wrong discussion partner. However--"

"Even if you're not human, you should know that it is the human virtue to compensate a wrong committed by showing the will to pay for it with deeds! Don't you think you owe me something?" Edward was surprised himself about the anger and strength sweeping in his words--could it be that he still harboured more feelings than he had thought?

Golbez was not less surprised by this open approach. "Owing him something? How can a mere deed compensate for the loss he had to endure?" Still, he was at a loss for other arguments.

"Let him go with us…" Leah's voice echoed unusually soft.

"No protest in that…" Tristan agreed.

"I…" Golbez tried to set up his arrogant expression again, but for some reason it failed and his voice was full of bitterness and exhaustion when he spoke: "You know as well as I do that all this will not wash away the blood on my hands or your… your grief… But since you so insist on it and since my travel companions are on your side… Fine, you may accompany us."

Edward nodded and his breathing slowed. He entered the hovercraft quickly, as if fearing that Golbez might change his mind again and started the engine. "Quickly, before anyone notices us."

"You seem to develop a sense for groups…" Leah whispered as she took place behind Golbez on the backseat of the craft.

"You think so?" Golbez was amused that the young woman interpreted his behaviour in such a way. He still didn't care much for company, but just wondered if there had been some kind of truth in Edward's words, if there was yet another way to atone for his sins than just dreams and self chosen isolation. Cecil had often told him so, too, but even after everything he had done so far which could be called "good", Golbez could not believe that real penance was possible. And maybe he had just agreed on taking Edward with them, to prove that he was right in his opinion and his brother was not... 

xOx

Edward was steering the hovercraft quickly and surely through the night--not like one who was used of driving such vehicles, but like one who knew the desert.

"Won't your advisors send soldiers after us?" Golbez asked at some point, as, although the hovercraft was gliding through the sand silently, it still was leaving behind traces.

"Not before tomorrow. I took the way through the little graveyard that no one usually sets step into, except me. They will not learn about my disappearance before tomorrow morning when the maids arrive."

"Little graveyard? Is this… is this where your beloved is buried?" Leah wondered from the back of the hovercraft, but quickly held a hand before her mouth, as she saw Edward flinch. "I'm sorry… It's not my business and--"

Edward shook his head. "You don't have to apologize. It is no secret to most people. My fiancée, Anna, is indeed buried there. I loved her very much and to build a graveyard just outside of my chambers was the nearest place I could keep her now that--" His shoulders drooped down once more and Golbez was prepared to take over the steer in case Edward would get too overwhelmed by the grief--every fiber of the young man next to him seemed to be fabricated out of a deep, bitter sweet melancholy, always dancing between the colourful joys of the past and the dark prospect of the present reality.

"I… I can understand that it must be very hard to loose a person you love so much, but at least you always will be able to cherish the memory of her… I wish I had at least that much…" Leah spoke absentmindedly.

"To have at least that much?" Edward murmured. "I've never regarded it that way…" He fell silent, pondering; but at least, as Golbez noticed, he had his eyes on the steer again…

"I'm sure we'll find out something about you soon enough, Leah…" Tristan was comforting the woman next to him. "Hey, these desert nights are pretty cold--" He started to rummage around. "Look what we have here--a woolen blanket! Care to share it with me? You look cold."

Gratefully, Leah moved closer to Tristan to get under the blanket. Just some moments later, the sound of her breathing had slowed immensely. As Golbez looked over his shoulder, he saw that Leah had fallen asleep, her head resting on Tristan's shoulder. The young man was short of drifting off as well, but he was still awake enough to flash Golbez a triumphant grin, pointing at Leah's sleeping form with an upwards turned thumb. "What did I tell?" he mouthed, before falling into a satisfied sleep.

Letting out a deep sigh, Golbez turned around again--Tristan was always so sure of himself, but Leah had just been dead tired; she wouldn't feel anything for the swindler, would she?

"Why do you care? Though if she really stands in any connection with Dawn--"

"Master Golbez?" Edward's melodious voice broke his thoughts.

"Just Golbez," the long haired man corrected. "There's no need to be overly reverent in my company."

Edward sucked in some air, sharply. The irony of the man next to him was so disgusting-- and frightening at the same time.

"Golbez, then. What is really the matter with this girl, Leah?"

"Well, what do you think?"

"She... she is a bit strange for someone who has lost her memory. She's so calm... and sure of herself. And she hasn't lost her cheerfulness… She resembles Anna a bit…" Again, he was about to get lost in his grief, but pulled himself together this time. "You said she reminds you of Dawn?"

"It's the way she talks sometimes…and the way she looks at one…"

"From what I've seen of Dawn back then, I can assure you that she indeed has a strong resemblance with her, but," Even in the dark of the night, Golbez could see how a weak, sad smile spread across Edward's lips--the first smile he had ever seen on the face of the other, "it seems that you and I both cannot forget…"

"Cannot forget?" The word seemed to linger reproachfully in the cold desert air. "But we are not the same, Edward… You may not be able to forget, but I'm just trying to find out the truth, aren't I?" Golbez shrugged and then fell into an icy silence neither he nor Edward broke until the warming sun had risen again.

xOx

In the already hot morning hours, they finally reached the coast, where water and heat peacefully united. Edward halted the hovercraft behind a dune, so that everyone could rest their stiff limbs.

Leah was quite grateful for the break. "Whew! I could never get used to the desert temperatures--in the night it's so cold and just as the sun goes up it gets so hot…" She started to pull of her boots.

"Yes, just imagine that in Baron snow is lying on the groundby now--the blue planet sure has a strange climate… How is it on the moon, Golbez?" Tristan asked while taking off his vest and rolling up the sleeves of his shirt. The questions was, as Golbez presumed, less posed out of real interest, but because the swindler wanted to make conversation with Leah.

"It is cold." The wizard told him rather annoyed. In contrast to Tristan and Leah, he wasn't feeling the heat, although sweat was beginning to build on his forehead and he was mainly clothed in black, it seemed to him as if the cold inside him always was stronger than any surrounding temperature could be.

"I'm going for a swim!" Leah was just about to head for a nice looking part of the beach, as she suddenly stopped in her movement and remained like a statue.

"Leah?" Golbez frowned.

"Guys?" The young woman turned around, a look of confusion on her face. "For some reason… all this here is familiar to me..."

"Here?" Tristan asked, unbelieving. "It's just a piece of sand and sea… Don't you think you could have seen such a coast anywhere?"

"No." Leah suddenly sounded very sure. "Look there--" she pointed towards some stony silhouettes in the azure sea. "I have seen this line of cliffs before… Though why? There's nothing there, right?"

"IfI understand Sir Tristan here right, one of these cliffs must be our destination…" Edward wondered, while slowly walking away from the group. "Maybe you'll remember more if we stay some time here…"

"Yes…" Leah nodded and walked slowly towards the water, clearly wanting to be alone for a moment.

"Hey Golbez, why aren't you saying anything?! She remembered something!" In a fit of over-exaggerated joy, Tristan took Golbez's arm and started to shake it, as if hoping to pull the other out of his silence. "Soon you might even find out if she's--Ouch!" He uttered a cry of pain as Golbez's grip of steel grabbed his hand and twisted it around.

"Yes, yes, understood! No talking, no touching! I'll let you alone, then…" Tristan pulled away his hand as soon as Golbez's had lessened the grip and retraced his steps towards the hovercraft, where he rested himself on the rear of it in an arrogant pose, as if the vehicle already belonged to him. 

"Why would she remember?" Golbez tried to follow Leah with his eyes, but the woman had disappeared behind a dune blocking his view. "Why should Dawn ever have been here? Has she seen the place in one of her travels?"

"We cannot forget…" Suddenly the cold desert night was there, again. "I have to accept that she might be a totally different person." Still, the fact that Leah seemed to have remembered something made him nearly feel… angry…

"The time slips away…

days unmercifully going astray…"

Suddenly, the sea breeze carried over the bright playing of a lyre and the soft sounds of a song… The voice singing held nothing but sadness, but still there was a strength in it and it was staying on every note, as if wanting to prolong the melody for as long as possible…

"A heart, torn and broken…"

Golbez followed the music and spotted, like expected, Edward. The bard was sitting on the top of a dune, the instrument in his hand, eyes directed on the sea, and if it hadn't been for the song, the fingers moving lightly over the strings and the wind blowing through his fair curls, one could as well have believed that he was no longer a being of flesh and blood, but just a lifeless sculpture out of marble and gold.

"Left in the cold after it just had awoken…"

He stopped singing as he noticed the other man approaching. "I… I haven't played the lyre for a long time… but suddenly I felt the urge to…" It sounded nearly like an apology.

With an encouraging wave of his hand, Golbez turned his back towards him, staring at the sea, as well. "Oh, but please, go on…" It was a lie--something about this song was making him feel sick…

"No… I don't remember the next verse of it, anyway. I don't even remember if I ever finished the lyrics…" Edward bowed his head. "Did… did you like it?" He frowned, obviously regretting the question as soon as he had posed it.

"It reminded me of something…"

"It was…" Golbez's thoughts raced, trying to find some word to describe the song, but his soul felt so… churned up right now… What was the word he once had heard from those little brats Palom and Porom when listening to the bard?

"It was trashy…" it escaped his lips and he didn't really know why--even for him there had been no need to be this mean, but he just had to let out the aggression and confusion he was feeling.

"Trashy?" The lyre landed with a dull thud in the sand as Edward stood up, tears shooting into his eyes.

Golbez faced him, being at the end of his tether. Why couldn't they just leave him alone? Now, he also had to comfort Edward since he needed him to the drive the hovercraft…

"Now listen, what I meant was that you always either talk or sing about this little girl of yours and--" he stopped with the beginning lecture as he became aware that there was anger shining through Edward's tears.

"This little girl of yours? How do you dare to talk about her in such a way!" The bard shouted. "You were the one who took her from me and if I weren't such a coward I would… I would…" He turned his head away. "It doesn't matter, but even if I talk about her all the time--" he glanced at Golbez and hissed in a lower voice, "I have at least accepted that Anna is dead--something you failed to do concerning Dawn! I saw your face as Leah remembered the place here. It is something you do not wished to hear, but accept it: Dawn is gone and will never return! And even if she did, she would return to see your brother, not you!" With that, he hastily grabbed for his instrument and strode towards the hovercraft.

Golbez looked after him with a raised eyebrow, but his expression was devoid of any arrogance or mockery. Could he really not let go? Edward was right. Dawn was dead. He himself had seen it as she had plunged down the cliff…

Splash!

Against the soft crashing of the waves the sound of splashing water and a loud laugh became faintly audible. As Golbez turned towards the sea, he saw Tristan running towards him hurriedly.

"Boy, are you missing a show there!" the flaxen haired man panted and started to pull at Golbez's black cloak like a little, rabid dog.

"I need this--please don't kill me for this, okay? You'll get it back later!"

Before the bewildered Golbez could react, Tristan had managed to pull the cloak away from him and was running with his "booty" towards the coast.

"What the hell…" As Golbez stepped away from the view blocking dune, he beheld Leah emerging from the water, only wearing her long shirt, which clung to her wet body. She laughed brightly as Tristan awaited her with a bow, the cloak in hand and ready tolay around her shoulders.

"This laugh…" Golbez inside seemed to freeze. "So familiar…" He regarded the two people--Tristan playing the charming cavalier as always, Leah listening patiently and smiling to his stories as he led her, arm around her, towards the hovercraft. "This little good for nothing..." Why did watching this make him so angry? He suddenly had to shield his eyes from the burning sun and he felt heat surging up within. Biting, fiery red slowly seemed to spread in his soul…

"Get a hold on yourself, Golbez!" He tried to calm down the swirling in his being…

"Dawn is dead… And you knew from the start how Tristan is… And just leave Edward alone. Just somehow finda way back to the moon, continue your endless sleep and if this isn't possible, go somewhere where you will never hurt someone again…" Slowly, the waves of anger and rage calmed down and were washed away by deep exhaustion. Floating on it was a question he stood helpless against:

If everything was as easy as he had just put it, then why was he traveling with all these people?