Chapter 4

Golden revelations

"Come, birdie birdie, come!" Since approximately half an hour ago, Tristan was waving around a carrot wildly with an outstretched arm. Golbez, leaning against a tree in the little snow covered forest, was watching him with a sour expression, pondering over how he had gotten into all this…

"I don't understand it!" Tristan wondered. "Why won't the birds come? These carrots cost me money!"

"They didn't. You stole them when you thought that I was not looking…" Golbez said matter-of-factly.

"Oh…" Tristan did not even seem to be ashamed. "Why buy something when you can have it for free?"

"You have an interesting lifestyle," Golbez remarked sarcastically, "One that will surely cost your life one day…"

Tristan shrugged, still concentrating on luring a chocobo. "We'll all kick the bucket sooner or later…" He stopped for a moment in his actions to flash Golbez a grin. "Besides why are you playing the rightful guy? From what I hear, you're not exactly innocent either…" Tristan's grin disappeared and he started waving the carrot even faster than before as he beheld Golbez's expression changing to one of rage...

"You're not exactly innocent? That is hardly a way to describe what I've done!" the black haired wizard thundered, all his calmness disappearing. "I killed a lot of people and I'll surely do it again if the dark side in me gets stronger!"

"Hey! Calm down! I hit a weak spot, didn't I?" Tristan was not even bothering to look at him--the swindler's constant self assuredness broke the last of Golbez's nerves and he approached the other.

"Don't take me lightly, boy," he hissed and in that moment, his whole stature was so dark, so frightening, that even Tristan took a step back. "You may think that you're a match for me, but believe me, you are not and as soon as all this is over, you'd better be out of sight as soon as you can! It's only for your well-being."

"And mine…" Golbez thought gloomily. In fact, Tristan was better at ignoring any hostile motion from him than Cecil had ever been and thus was annoying Golbez more and more.

"Ooookay…" Tristan took a deep breath. "As soon as I have the money, I'm outta here. But to get anywhere we need to catch a chocobo! Look! There behind the bushes: there's one!" He started the "carrot attack" once more. "Birdie, birdie, birdie!"

Golbez sighed, fell silent and just stared at the animal. After a while, the yellow creature warked and trotted over to the two men. Golbez closed his eyes, and just several seconds later, another chocobo emerged from behind the trees.

"You can put the carrot away," he said dryly and caught one of the birds rather roughly around the neck to keep the nervous chirping animal from running away once the telepathic contact was broken.

Tristan was watching the other chocobo trotting towards him with big eyes, then looked at his travel companion. "Wow! How did you do that? Wait, now I remember! Back then you hypnotized all the guards in Baron so that they would follow you and then--"

"Yes." Golbez cut him short. He did not like to talk about his ability to manipulate the human mind.

"Okay, okay, so now we have a chocobo and what a chocobo at that!" Tristan approached the animal that, in contrast to Golbez's bird seemed rather friendly and patted it. "I'll call mine "Goldie" in spite of the riches I--" he bit his lip. "Okay, forget that. What will you call your one?"

"No name! Why should I give an animal a name?" Golbez grumbled as he swung himself onto the bird, picturing in his imagination how silly he possibly looked; however, he also had to admit that the body warmth of the chocobo was pleasant after the long time he had spent in the cold snow. This little feeling of comfort was making him frown. With a soul as cold as his, he didn't deserve any warmth, and shouldn't care about it as well.

"Okay, then its name is No-name!" Tristan grinned, mounting his chocobo as well. As he saw Golbez frown even more, he added: "Yeah, I know that the joke is old… Still, you have to give your chocobo a name, so that the steering might be easier. These animals are very intelligent…"

"Probably more intelligent than you, boy…" Golbez mused, though as he saw Tristan maneuvering his chocobo very skillfully, he wondered if he wasn't just underestimating his new travel companion.

"If Cecil would see me, riding on a chocobo accompanied by the worst and most ruthless trickster the Blue Planet has ever brought forth…"

Somehow, the thought had something amusing to it, but also something bitter.

"My last journey has started now for real, little brother…"

The feeling of guilt made his soul heavy once again, knowing that Cecil would probably be sick with worry if no word of his brother came… Inertly, Golbez decided to make sure that the Paladin knew at least that there was no sense in looking for him, or waiting for him forthat matter. It was the least he could do--not to lessen his guilt, as this was not possible anyway, but because there was no reason to make things for Cecil even harder.

"He's done more good to me than I deserved…Still, he will have to accept that it was not enough to make me see the light…"

~O~

"Well, here we are…" Tristan halted his chocobo, dismounted and approached the bush covered rock wall belonging to the north-eastern mountains near Baron's coast.

"Most people think that an overland route from Baron to Kaipo desert no longer exists, since the mighty Summoner Rydia destroyed the mountain pass between Mist and the desert."

Golbez uttered a little laugh. It was amazing what kind of stories people were telling about the Crystal War. "As far as I know, she never intended to destroy it, but only reacted out of rage and to defend herself…"

"Oh, I forgot. She's one of your friends, right?" Tristan asked, while searching along the bushes for the hidden pass.

"My… friends?" Golbez raised an eyebrow. "I can assure you that I have no such relationship with any of the people I know…"

"Oh, come on! You don't have to play the hard guy! What's with me? We're one of a kind--if we are not friends, who then?" It was hard to say, even for the slightly baffled Golbez, if Tristan was just teasing him or really believedthe outrageous statement he had just uttered.

"One of a kind?! Are you starting again with this--" Before Golbez's whole rage could unleash, Tristan gave in, or at least tried to.

"Of course you are the more evil one of us two. There, is it that what you wanted to hear?"

"You…" Golbez raised a hand to his forehead, feeling very weary all of a sudden. The comments of his new travel companion were often leaving him more speechless than he wanted to be.

Tristan was still searching for the entrance to the pass and was desperately trying to move the big twigs of some big snow covered thorny plants aside. "Damn, this hedge sure has grown since I last was here…" he cursed.

Golbez watched the half hearted fight of "Tristan against nature" for a while before he decided to interfere. "Need help?" He stretched out his hand with a bored gesture:

"Fire!"

At once, the whole bush started to burn, and Tristan could only jump aside in time to keep from being set ablaze as well.

"Hey! Take care! You could have hit me! Besides, do you think that setting all the plants on fire is the right way?"

"Since when are you worried about what is right or not? It seems that a little fire is the only way to get through here before next year…" Golbez replied calmly, watching the blazing flames with crossed arms.

Tristan settled next to him and started to look at the fire in the same fashion. "Say…Why are you so eager to go to Mysidia, anyway?" he asked, watching the other out of the corner of his eye. "You could have stayed at the castle of your brother, enjoying the riches and the luxury there..."

"Now he's also asking questions…" Golbez sighed, knowing that Tristan wasn't someone you could just ignore. The little weasel would pester him until he had found out about Golbez everything he wanted to find out... Still, he would try to give away as little as possible.

"I'm not here to stay. My whole goal is to leave this Planet as soon as possible, although before that, I need to get some things… cleared… I think the path is accessible now--let's get moving," he said quickly and mounted his chocobo, giving Tristan no more chances to make any further inquiries.

~O~

Under Tristan's guidance they followed the winding mountain trail for several hours, when finally the snow covering the rocky path lessened, which was a positive sign that the desert was no longer far away. They stopped, giving the animals a chance to rest and to feed on some carrots and on some sparse blades of grass showing up on the stony mountain path.

"Ah! It's good to move the legs again--they were short of freezing off! You don't mind the cold at all, do you?" Tristan looked at Golbez, who had sat down on a boulder and was writing something on a piece of paper.

Golbez just grunted and thus made Tristan chose a different approach.

"So, what are the things that you need to get cleared?" the flaxen haired man asked, slowly starting to circle around Golbez to see what the other was writing.

"I'm looking for something." Golbez replied without even looking up.

"Father…"

"You don't actually mean someone, do you?" Tristan grinned, leaning over Golbez's shoulder from behind to get another good look at the paper.

"How could he know?"

"What do you mean?" Golbez's head spun sideways and the wild expression on his face would have caused most people to run away screaming, or alternately make them go down on their knees, silently weeping…

However, Tristan was so blinded by self-esteem that he saw only an invitation to speak on: "I saw how you looked at the women in town…" he clicked suggestively with his tongue.

"Excuse me?" Golbez railed, though he inertly was relieved that Tristan had not brought up Klu Ya. At the same time sickness arouse in him because what the other had said was partly true--he had been looking for her involuntarily and that was something he couldn't allow himself to do.

"You need to keep control. If you lose it, your dark side might break out again. And you need to stay calm if you want to confront Klu Ya..."

Tristan was realizing nothing of the inner fight Golbez was going through. "Come on, who is she? You can tell it to your friend Tristan!"

Golbez said nothing.

"So what's it you're writing there?" Before Golbez could react, Tristan had taken the paper out of his hands.

"Oh, a letter to the King of Baron…"

"Give it back at once!" Golbez jumped up, though quickly sat down again as he became aware that his behaviour was like the one of a five-year old. He wondered when the last traces of dignity had left him. Maybe had been in the moment when he had agreed to travel with this little stealing devil, who had just danced away, eyes glued to the letter.

"Hmm… You don't actually want to send this to your brother, do you?"

Golbez raised an eyebrow. "Why not?"

"Well, the reason for the letter is that you obviously care for him and don't want him to worry about you, right?"

"And?"

Tristan sighed like a teacher would in front of a totally ignorant pupil. "Well, listen to what you've written so far: 

"Cecil, this will be the first and the last letter you'll ever receive from me. I just want to inform you that I lied to you and won't be coming back to Baron--surely you will understand that this is better for everyone."

He rolled his eyes. "Much too insensitive… It will break the poor Paladin's heart!"

Golbez's chuckled. "I didn't know that you were a man of sensitivity…" Inertly, though, he wondered if he couldn't have chosen other words.

"Etiquette was definitely something Zemus has not taught me…"

"You will be surprised of my abilities!" Tristan exclaimed, and grabbing the quill from Golbez's hands, started to write his own version of the letter on the backside of the paper:

"My dear brother," he murmured.

"I would never write this." Golbez stood up, inclined to stop Tristan in his doings.

"Maybe, but this is what your brother would want to hear, right?"

Golbez raised an eyebrow. There was indeed some logic in Tristan's words. Maybe it would make things easier for Cecil if the last word he ever got of his brother was a friendly, civilized one. "I see your point, but why are you interested in what my brother thinks?"

"Let's just say that this is a service from a man who knows his way with women and words…" Tristan's lips curved into a sly smile. "Besides I'd like to include myself a bit in the letter… Surely word will spread around that someone like me is traveling with the "Dark Golbez" or whatever they call you. Accordingly, if you suddenly disappear to the moon or sun or wherever, I bet especially your brother will be interested in my person--and I want this to be on polite terms and not end up in a stinky prison cell for a supposed murder that did not happen." 

Again, Golbez did not know how to react on Tristan's "logic", which probably wasn't logic at all but just… skilful persuasion. And it worked…

"All right, go ahead…" he sighed in defeat.

"I knew that you would appreciate my help. So let's see…" Tristan bit his bottom lip upon reflecting, then started to scribble down some lines nearly frantically. "How about this:

"My dear brother,

I'm sorry that this goodbye reaches you only by a mere letter, but know at least that each of the words written in it are as true as gold."

Golbez frowned, trying to understand the sense of the sentence. "Gold?"

"Yeah, this word has a nice ring to it…" Tristan argued. ""Heart like gold", "sweet golden hair"--all that."

"You're not writing some sort of love letter…" Golbez was already regretting that he had yielded to the other.

Tristan laughed nearly a bit disdainfully. "Love letter, family letter, whatever. Always use as many useless paraphrases as possible to distract the reader from the unpleasant true intent of the writing. Believe me, I've written a lot of goodbye letters in my life and know what I'm talking about…"

"I do, in fact, believe that." Somehow, Golbez was sure that Mary would be the next to receive one of Tristan's letters...

The flaxen haired man read on:"Currently I'm journeying together with a guide who... No wait, let's make it trustful guide… Even better: friendly, handsome, trustful--"

"I told you, this is no love letter!" Golbez was slowly getting impatient. This whole situation was so ridiculous!

"Okay, okay… Only trustful then. Your brother will be happy to know that you're in good hands, right?" Tristan grinned and continued:

"We are on a journey to Mysidia, where I want to look for--"

He looked up. "So what's the name of this woman you searched for in town?"

Maybe it was because he wanted to give Tristan something to chew upon so that the other might stop with his damn questioning, or maybe it was because he needed to get this off his mind. Golbez didn't know why he felt compelled to answer and he regretted it as soon as the words had left his mouth:

"I… I was looking for a... woman I once knew. Her name was Dawn and she--" he wanted to add: "She has died", but Tristan wouldn't let him talk any further.

"Ha! I bet you were a nice couple. The dangerous, once evil Master Wizard Golbez and a sweet maiden--" He stopped as he noticed Golbez growl.

"If you continue with this nonsense, you can an experience first hand just how evil I am…" the black haired wizard hissed and his eyes darkened. "We weren't in love..."

"Why am I telling him all this?" However, it was too late to stop now…

"She was in love with someone else, although she knew that she could never have him."

 Tristan laughed pitilessly. "What a stupid person…"

Golbez shot him a disgusted look. "Interesting that you say so. What about this girl who believes that you love her and wants to marry you? Is she stupid, also?"

Tristan put on his most innocent look. "Which girl do you mean? Nancy? Mary? And, err… What were the names of those sisters again…?" He continued quickly. "Anyway, I wouldn't call any of them stupid. They actually "had" me for a little while and they were happy during that time!"

"A very fleeting happiness, wouldn’t you say?"

Tristan shrugged. "That's how life goes. No girl can be surprised if I don't exactly turn out like the knight in shining armour they are dreaming of…"

"A knight in shining armour…" Golbez uttered involuntarily a bitter laugh. No one could have rescued Dawn, not Cecil and especially not he, himself--he was as far away from being a knight as one could get… "And you will befar away from reaching your goals if you don't stop thinking about a person who is dead…" He decided to put an end to the discussion.

"All this talking leads to nothing. Your Marys and Nancys are of no interest to me, as my personal affairs shouldn't be of any interest to you. The woman I told you about has passed away, so be assured that I'm not searching for her," he said a bit too quickly--he was well awarethat he was lying once more. "Must be a growing habit of mine…"

"Oh. So if she's dead, what should I write instead?" Tristan was surprisingly unmoved by Golbez's story. Suddenly he realized that the long haired man was about to mount his chocobo.

"Hey--what's the matter? I'm not finished yet!"

"Forget about this unimportant letter for now. Kaipo is not far away, right? Night is slowly falling, so now would be a good time to travel through the short distance of desert we have to pass…" Golbez grumbled, wanting to get away from everything in that moment, if he could: from Tristan, from his worry about his brother, from the memory of Dawn…

And most of all from his own existence and past.