Chapter 14

Lilac kiss

As Golbez returned to the camp, he had set up his usual haughty and indifferent expression, although his swollen upper lip slightly interfered with the impression he wanted to give. Edward was watching him with hostility from the campfire and started to play some notes on his lyre, only to hurl away the instrument into the snow just a moment later. Tristan's gaze fell inquiringly on Golbez and he indicated with a nod of his head towards Leah, who was curled up near the entrance of their sleeping cave.

Bitterness and regret were still clouding Golbez's thoughts. "What shall I do? I have hurt her, once again. No excuse will suffice…"

To his surprise, Leah looked up as he came closer, and she got to her feet. "Golbez - can you come over here for a while?" Her voice was earnest and composed.

"But--" Edward rose, but was stopped by the hand Leah held up.

"It is alright." Facing Golbez with an emotionless expression, she beckoned him towards a group of trees away from the camp site.

Golbez followed her slowly, not knowing what to expect, maybe not even caring about it. His emotions seemed to have been drained, his mind felt empty; it was a heavy emptiness which seemed to weigh down his bones and each step he took was costing him incredible effort. After what seemed like an eternity to him, he had finally reached Leah. The young woman leaned with her back against a tree, head turned aside, so that her silvery locks were hiding her eyes from his gaze.

"So cold…" The icy grip of the chilly winter air seemed to Golbez more real than ever before.

"You wanted to speak to me?" he asked, just now noticing that a piece of cloth was wrapped around Leah's wrist. "Does it still hurt?"

She still did not look at him and her lips moved only barely as she spoke: "What would you do, if I really had been hired to kill you?"

"What did she just ask?" Golbez stared at Leah and forced himself to listen - the sight of her arm was taking all his attention.

"Why aren't you saying anything? I asked you what you would do if I wanted to kill you!" Leah repeated.

"Nothing," his answer echoed wearily through the woods.

"Nothing? Are you so tired of your existence? Is there nothing in this world which makes you want to live?" She raised her gaze slightly and Golbez noticed a tiny, slightly uncanny sparkle in her eyes, something… deadly. It was something that filled her voice, as well, as she spoke on: "So you really wouldn't care if I would end your life?" She had turned her head away, again. 

Of course Golbez cared - but not about his life. But he had neither the words, nor the right to explain it to her, had he?

"Do what you think would be right… endless sleep, death… it's all the same to me..." There was no fear in him, only blankness.

"I thought you wanted to see your father?" Leah confronted him.

"He wouldn’t tell me anything that would differ from what you said: I'm an evil which needs to be disposed off." The weariness seemed to overcome Golbez and he was about to leave, as he heard a small cracking sound, like nails digging in the bark of a tree.

"You want to go? Without saying anything? Asking me anything?"

Golbez shook his head. "I'm tired. You know where my sword is if you should need it. There is nothing more to say, except--"

He stopped for a moment as he felt her gaze on his back.

"I'm sorry about your arm." Getting no response and not bearing to turn around once more, Golbez made his way towards camp, his head filled with the image that he probably wouldn't see the morning light… It all fit together now - the hit on the head in the sea, the sword attack on the beach... She probably had just been playing safe until now, but if she really wanted to kill him, tonight was her last chance. Still, he wasn't afraid, as he already felt as dead as one could feel.

xOx

The great oak door creaked distinctly as Golbez and Kainazzo entered the barely lit, wood furnished study. The dark magician's armour clanged with very step, while the Water Fiend's slimy form slithered silently along the polished floor tiles, leaving behind a brackish smell.

/Disgusting…/ Golbez believed that the reason for the rotten stench lay in Kainazzos's ability of shape changing, since every form the other took on, even his momentary one, was just built out of dead flesh, held together by the power the fiend's malice produced. He asked himself why evil was so often paired with ugliness… Wasn't it lovely to wield power, wasn't it a beautiful, sublime feeling to take out an existence life had created? Sadly, he could experience such sensations far too seldom and he normally spent his hours in dull contemplation in the bleak and empty tower of Zot, awaiting Zemus' orders. Maybe today's task at hand would awaken his soul from the indifferent slumber it had.

"Who let you in?" Just now, the bearded man, who, despite the late hour was still working on some papers by the light of a candle, had noticed them. He seemed to feel the darkness emanating from the two visitors and standing up, he called for the guards.

Golbez smiled cruelly behind his heavy helmet. "It is no use, Your Majesty. They have already accepted the truth."

 "The truth? What truth?"

Golbez bowed, though not as deep as it would have been appropriate when standing in front of Baron's ruler. "Don't you know? I'm the one who will be commanding the airship fleet from now on."

"I've never employed you. Sergeant Harvey is the one who--"

"…will follow my orders from now on. As the other people in the castle will…" Kainazzo snarled and under the disbelieving look of the King, the greenish blue form changed, fins becoming hands and feet, monstrous face melting into a human form, into...

The shape of Baron's ruler.

The King slowly rose from his seat, his eyes widened in shock and alarm.

"You… that isn't possible… Kain! Cecil!" He called for his highest ranking officers.

"Oh, your would-be sons.... I gave them off this evening. They are probably amusing themselves in town with the white mage apprentice," a cold voice uttered from the direction of the door.

"Baigan! What is all this about?" the king boomed, his face now a deadly white as he faced his eye-patch wearing counselor.

"Isn't this obvious, Your Majesty? It is about power. The power of this Kingdom, a power you wouldn't use, couldn't use because you are too weak," Baigan replied, voice hissing in a peculiar way, which made a cold shudder run down the King's back.

"I should have known that you would try to stab me in the back someday, Baigan," Baron's ruler said, grabbing the hilt of his sword. "Have you never wondered why I never gave you a position in Baron's military? I always wanted to have an eye on you."

Baigan's healthy green eye sparkled with rage. "You never gave me any chance, focusing all your attention on these weak, parentless children! I will teach you to acknowledge me and my new power!" He slid forth with lightening speed - and was stopped by a dark, cold gauntlet.

"Stop this. Don't get cocky." Golbez's voice ordered. Baigan was such a fool -- did he really believe that he wielded any true power? That his new leathery, slippery skin, twisted body proportions and some pair of fangs would make him less pitiable than before?

He suddenly felt the gaze of the King weighting on him. "Were you so afraid of facing me alone, stranger, that you felt the need to turn also my own men against me?" 

/Afraid?/ In view of the impertinence of the man before him, rage began to blossom inside of Golbez.

"Even if I had appeared here, alone, the result of this evening wouldn't change. It is time that you meet your successor, Your Majesty," Golbez motioned towards Kainazzo. "If you bow before him, I might consider giving you a relatively painless death."

"Never. Do you really think that I will give up my Kingdom and my life without a fight? Who wants to face me first?" The King straightened up, rising his sword into a duel position like he had so often taught new recruits. "For the honour of Baron."

"Yes, for the honour of Baron!" Baigan stormed forward with a hiss, but before he could reach his ruler, he was thrown back by a burning red explosion.

"Master…" Kainazzo's voice now fitted to his new appearance, sounded nearly human… and filled with confusion.

Golbez slowly lowered his hand and approached the red-cloaked body on the floor, whom the Nuke spell had nearly torn apart in the middle.

"The times of honour are over," it sounded deep and dead behind the helmet. Another heavy step and he had reached the King, noticing to his surprise that the man was still breathing - and was now looking at him with nearly sad, but fearless eyes.

"You are pitiable." Blood was trickling down the man's beard. "When the times of honour are over, the time of weakness will begin."

"Who are you calling weak!" Golbez hissed, enraged. / Zemus has given me power beyond mortal understanding - what have honour and holding back to do with strength?/

The King still was staring at him, a look between triumph and pity. "My words," he rasped, "scare you. You will fail." His bloodied lips curved into a scornful smile.

"I am not scared of anyone - especially not of a dying man!" Golbez thundered, feeling now the fury in him and with it the might grew. /Don't look at me like that!/

How he wanted to erase that look from the other's face, squeeze out his grin and the bloody lies coming from his mouth, feel the strings of life snapping between his fingers until --

Extinguished eyes were looking at him.

"Master, why didn't you allow me the honour--I mean why wasn't I allowed to kill him?" Baigan hissed from behind.

Golbez let go of the throat of the man, the dead, mangled body of the former King of Baron landing on the ground like a piece of disposed trash. The hand, with which the Dark Wizard had strangled his victim felt empty; he felt empty. For a moment Golbez regretted that he hadn't killed the man more slowly - how could this mere human have dared to call him pitiable and weak when his hand had so easily been able to snuff the life out of him? This black gloved hand which was now full of blood, thick blood, heavy like his breathing had suddenly become.

/Why is it so hard to inhale some air? Zemus gave me the ability of infinite power…/ It seemed like iron was filling his lungs, pressing him down. Had the words of the dying King been the truth, after all? The realization hit him bitter.

/Despite all this power, I'm too weak to breathe…/

Too weak to live. Once more, nothingness embraced him.

xOx

Golbez awoke from a soft shuffle and a metallic sound. Next, something cold was pressed to his throat. "Not the sword?" he whispered hoarsely. He closed his eyes again, giving in to the grey in his soul and mind.

"So it was true after all…" He was so tired.

"No…" Leah whispered back and he felt how she sat on him. "Tristan's knife is better and doesn't make so much noise… Surprised, aren't you? Thought I was lying?"

"No. Maybe I was even hoping that someone would finally bring it to an end."

Still grey… And why was it so hard to breathe? Was it because of her? No, he couldn't even feel her weight.

"You know you really hurt me earlier. And I told you not to do it again…" Leah murmured into his ear.

A little red flame stirred in his soul... was it rage? No…

"It is shame."

"I'm sorry…" How hollow these words sounded, how meaningless, and still they were the plain truth and with that more than what he usually was admitting to people.

There was a short pause, before Leah spoke again. "What life have you lead that you seem to yearn for death?"

"Black heavy despair… pressing guilt…Making it so hard to live…"

"A life in which you never really felt anything, never felt alive unless you were killing…" he answered truthfully.

"Are you feeling nothing now, as well?" Suddenly Leah's voice was trembling a little and Golbez opened his eyes, beholding two widened, sea blue orbs regarding him intently in the dark.

"Are you afraid?" He tried to smile. "Don't. I will not fight back."

The press against his throat got stronger and a red wave of pain crashed over him, making him wince involuntarily.

"The one afraid is you. You are a coward and a liar." Leah stated.

"I didn't lie."

"You did. You said that you wouldn't feel and still right now, you are afraid…" Her hand was resting on his chest now, her weight pressing on the cut there, but her touch wasn't hurting like the knife at his throat, but was warm, light and nearly calming.

"Does it matter whether I feel afraid or not?"

The ocean blue of her eyes froze to ice. "Yes. You know, I'd really like to see you in fear when you die."

"What does it matter now…"

"You can." Not letting his gaze from hers, he raised his arm and carefully pulled Leah down, the weight bringing the knife with it, as well. He could feel how it buried itself into his skin, how the cut opened with a burning sensation --

"Are you mad!?" The knife landed on the blanket with a light thud, but Leah's voice seemed to have taken on the sharpness of the blade. "Do you really want to get killed that much?" The ice in her gaze had melted to water as she was looking at him, shocked.

"It's bleeding! I didn't want this -- how are you feeling? Golbez--" she trailed off, as she noticed that the man under her was convulsing with spasms, hand on his forehead, making strange noises.

"What is the matter?" she asked in panic -- it took her a moment to realize what was happening.

"Are you… laughing?" Leah's eyes widened in disbelief and she looked around to check if this insane ruckus hadn't woken up Tristan or Edward.

"What does it look like to you?" Golbez brought forth grinning. "You're killing me---"

"No!" she protested. "Do you still mistrust me? It is just a little cut which---"

She fell silent as Golbez grabbed for her hand, the hurt one, careful not to move the wrist too much. He had stopped laughing.

"No," he whispered, his voice even deeper than usual, like it came from a hidden source inside his innermost being. He guided Leah's hand towards his heart. "I'm talking about here."

His fingers wandered upwards over her arm, to her shoulder - for a moment he hesitated, but the smile he could suspect in the darkness of the cave chased away any doubts and he pulled her down for a kiss.

"Your lips feel like ice…" Leah whispered against his mouth, "Are you really feeling alright?"

Golbez raised an eyebrow, looking into the bright blue of her eyes. "I told you that I was afraid, right? Besides your lips are cold, too."

He could feel her grin mischievously against his mouth. "Well, I never said that I wasn't afraid…" Their lips met again, this time with more passion, changing the grey in Golbez's soul to white, to red, to colours that didn't have a name, but could just be felt and were painting a layer over everything dull and heavy his being harboured.

"Light..."

"Leah?" A male voice sounded from another part of the cave.

Leah's lips left Golbez's, leaving emptiness behind. "I think we woke Edward up..." she sighed. "I better return to my sleeping place."

Golbez helped her by moving her carefully from his body. "Don't forget the knife."

"What are you too doing there?" Edward asked suspiciously somewhere in the dark.

"I… I just was shortly outside and on my way back I accidentally stumbled over Golbez…" Leah couldn't suppress a chuckle and tiptoed through the cave to her place of sleeping.

Feeling the bard's eyes on him, Golbez turned around towards the wall, pretending to be already asleep again. The colours swirling through him made it much too hard to even close his eyes - everything was so unreal.

"Maybe this is just another dream…" However, as the wound at his throat began to burn, he knew that it wasn't.

"What were you just doing?"

He didn't know if the question was addressed to him or to Leah…